This post convicted me tonight.
To tell you in all honesty, I'm jealous of how the author of the blog talks about God. Even as a Christian, I know I don't let Him into my life that deeply. I fill my mind with so many other things - homework, responsibilities, friendships, dreams, hopes... and then slip God in there and hope that He penetrates all the other sections I've partitioned my mind into. It's like the boxes I once referred to.
I even did this on Easter. Out of any day you would think that Easter would point me to God's love, but instead my mind was filled with making sure I got enough homework done, practiced adequately, played the offertory at church well, talked to enough people, etc. The church service was good, with many truths that stood out to me that I could apply to my life. But as soon as I took note of them I tucked them away into a nice little corner of my brain and haven't looked at them since.
I desire an ever deeper relationship with God, but I don't have it. I don't even really seek it.
I don't mind being "the one who is obsessed about music" in my group of friends, so why do I shrink from being labeled as "the one who is obsessed with Jesus?" Why do I treat Him as a section of my tidy little life, when He desires all of me? It's no wonder that I don't feel close to Him - how can you feel close to someone who you constantly push away?
It's hard to admit failure, even when you are simply typing words on a
screen, but this is true. I have failed in loving God more.
And yet this is where I am made aware of His grace, wafting around me like an invisible scent. So faint I fail to catch it most of the time. Only when I am aware of my own inadequacies do I take note of His grace and breathe it in.
And only then do I realize that I've been holding my breath this whole time.
Showing posts with label conviction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conviction. Show all posts
4.09.2012
3.17.2011
Deeply
How many days have you gone through being completely surface level with everything? How many times do you receive amazing truth and deep, probing questions about faith and life and God thrown at you... and yet when it comes to the end of the day, you can't recall any of it?
I'm pretty sure most everybody has a lot on their mind, even if they aren't necessarily spiritual matters. Typically we're so overloaded with information, decisions, reactions, ideas, and commitments that only what's absolutely critical gets through to that depth of our thinking.
For me, it seems that the more deep, thoughtful, insightful things I hear, the less they sink down into the deepest level of my mind. What with Bible classes, thoughtful professors, deep chapel messages, interesting discussions, and convicting seminars, there's an overabundance of Spiritual truths and ideas I need to think about and process. It all feels like so much that I just wish I could store it away in my memory bank somewhere where it would be safe and I could pull it out and review it later. But that's not the way it works.
The way I think of it, is that the brain is like a pool. All throughout the day, a multitude of things are dropped into it - some forcefully, and others perhaps more subtly. Once they reach the surface, however, they cannot go any further unless you deem them of utmost importance. Though even then, sometimes they still do not go through because it's so easy to get distracted elsewhere and forget about thinking deeply.
But this is the key: put the effort into thinking deeply. You have to decide to recall to mind these things that pricked your heart. You can't put them off or "tuck them away for later," because when later comes, the multitudes of other ideas that have dropped onto your surface will have already crowded them out.
But don't feel like you have to do this about everything that comes your way and convicts your heart. If you did, you would soon become overloaded. Often, God brings to our awareness one sin at a time, and it is our job to meditate and act on what He would have us do about that sin. But - if we blow everything off and don't think deeply about anything He convicts us of, we will become stagnant, like the pool with no moving water. There will be no growth.
I think of what God says in Proverbs 7:2-3:
I challenge you to think deeply this week. What conviction will you meditate on instead of brushing off? What one thing can you let sink past the surface of your brain into the depth of your heart?
Because only then can it begin to change you.
I'm pretty sure most everybody has a lot on their mind, even if they aren't necessarily spiritual matters. Typically we're so overloaded with information, decisions, reactions, ideas, and commitments that only what's absolutely critical gets through to that depth of our thinking.
For me, it seems that the more deep, thoughtful, insightful things I hear, the less they sink down into the deepest level of my mind. What with Bible classes, thoughtful professors, deep chapel messages, interesting discussions, and convicting seminars, there's an overabundance of Spiritual truths and ideas I need to think about and process. It all feels like so much that I just wish I could store it away in my memory bank somewhere where it would be safe and I could pull it out and review it later. But that's not the way it works.
The way I think of it, is that the brain is like a pool. All throughout the day, a multitude of things are dropped into it - some forcefully, and others perhaps more subtly. Once they reach the surface, however, they cannot go any further unless you deem them of utmost importance. Though even then, sometimes they still do not go through because it's so easy to get distracted elsewhere and forget about thinking deeply.
But this is the key: put the effort into thinking deeply. You have to decide to recall to mind these things that pricked your heart. You can't put them off or "tuck them away for later," because when later comes, the multitudes of other ideas that have dropped onto your surface will have already crowded them out.
But don't feel like you have to do this about everything that comes your way and convicts your heart. If you did, you would soon become overloaded. Often, God brings to our awareness one sin at a time, and it is our job to meditate and act on what He would have us do about that sin. But - if we blow everything off and don't think deeply about anything He convicts us of, we will become stagnant, like the pool with no moving water. There will be no growth.
I think of what God says in Proverbs 7:2-3:
Keep my commands and you will live;That's what God calls us to do with our lives. His commands and His teachings are precious - something to guard, cherish, and keep with us always. Something to put effort into - and think deeply about.
guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
Bind them on your fingers;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
I challenge you to think deeply this week. What conviction will you meditate on instead of brushing off? What one thing can you let sink past the surface of your brain into the depth of your heart?
Because only then can it begin to change you.
1.18.2011
With One Word
When I saw this on quite a few of the blogs I follow, I knew I had to join. Like I said in this post, I don't really do new year's resolutions well - I prefer more life goals and long-term visions.
But I also want to focus on something small, something attainable this year.
One word sounds small enough to me.
And the funny thing is, I knew just exactly what word I wanted to focus on for this year. It's so simple, yet so incredibly big.
Whenever I hear it, or think of it, I experience this deep, intense longing which I almost cannot name or express. I want so very much to have this word be the anthem of my life.
It's been a theme of my prayers for quite some time, yet I never seem to be able to wrap my mind around it.
My one word for 2011 is:
I want to be completely and utterly satisfied in Christ. It goes along with abiding in Christ, which is another word I considered (and an equally excellent goal). To be able to rest in His unchanging love... to find my completeness, my wholeness, my joy, my purpose, my worth, my love, my satisfaction, my everything... in Him. That is what I want this year.
What one word will you take on for 2011?
But I also want to focus on something small, something attainable this year.
One word sounds small enough to me.
And the funny thing is, I knew just exactly what word I wanted to focus on for this year. It's so simple, yet so incredibly big.
Whenever I hear it, or think of it, I experience this deep, intense longing which I almost cannot name or express. I want so very much to have this word be the anthem of my life.
It's been a theme of my prayers for quite some time, yet I never seem to be able to wrap my mind around it.
My one word for 2011 is:
Satisfied
I want to be completely and utterly satisfied in Christ. It goes along with abiding in Christ, which is another word I considered (and an equally excellent goal). To be able to rest in His unchanging love... to find my completeness, my wholeness, my joy, my purpose, my worth, my love, my satisfaction, my everything... in Him. That is what I want this year.
What one word will you take on for 2011?
11.16.2010
Even Through the Raging Sea
"There's a raging sea right in front of me, wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise if You want them to, I will follow You, I will follow You." {Click to listen}When I first heard this song ("Let the Waters Rise" by Mikeschair), it was a hard concept for me to grasp. Why would I pray for God to "let the waters rise if You want them to?" I knew that we ought to pray for what God wants ("Not my will but Yours, Lord"), but when there's something as tumultuous as a raging sea in our path... isn't it okay to pray that He will take it away?
Sometimes the thing God wants us to do is the very thing that we've been avoiding. We're standing there at the edge, looking down at the tumult of wind and spray and waves that look so threatening... and the last thing in our minds is to plunge in. We pray for God to take this impending doom away from us... for Him to "please make everything work out..." yet what if that is not His will? What if His will is instead that we face it and rely on Him for the strength to carry through?
This all really hit home with me this week in one word:
SurrenderI've thought about surrender before, but recently it has not been on my mind in the least. I thought I was doing okay just relying on God for strength to go through each day, much less having to surrender more things to God.
But it's been cropping up everywhere - the sermon at church, chapel speakers speaking about "Surrendered Self-Awareness" and calling God "Lord," and even tonight at my discipleship small group talking about surrendering your gifts and possessions so God can use them. Each time I've heard about it, I feel the barb of conviction pierce a little deeper into my soul.
Am I too happy, God? Too stuck on things going well?If I said I had this all figured out that would not be true. I'm still working through this, trying to see, trying to trust.
When is the last time I've prayed for Your Will to be done - no matter if Your will is that my life be turned upside down or that the situation I'm praying about not get better?
Can I honestly say I will follow You even through the raging sea?
But one thing I do know, and that is that the Bible says to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us... [fixing] our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1b-2)
I want to follow my Lord's example of perfect sacrifice. He has promised that if I fix my eyes on Him I can run the race well - even through the raging sea.
10.23.2010
Chasing a Feeling
This past week I've been feeling slightly out of sorts and discontented all week. There was nothing really bothering me - I didn't even have that much homework to do - yet there was still those vague clouds on my horizon weighing me down.
For quite a few days I tried to put a finger on it. Was it that I just needed to relax, eat something, take a nap, or talk to a friend or family member? Was it just that I needed a break from the routine - or I was rebelling at the fact that I had to get back into it?
Thursday afternoon, as I was sitting at the piano doodling the things off the top of my head, it came to me.
I was going through life, my routine, schedule, classes, practices, the whole nine yards - just waiting for a feeling. The reason for my dissatisfaction was the fact that I didn't feel right... and somehow, that put a cloud over everything about my day.
I couldn't be satisfied - and all because I didn't have that feeling.
I think you know the feeling I'm talking about. It's when you just feel like everything is alright with the world, the sky is blue and your heart is at peace... no matter what challenges you're facing or problems have arisen. I have had that feeling quite often - and that week it had been missing.
But then I asked myself, should I base my attitude on a mere feeling? Should my not feeling a certain way make my life into only a boring routine? Is a feeling the only thing that can make me truly satisfied?
The answer to that came to me a bit later as I was outside doing homework in the sunshine and wind of a beautiful fall day. I was going about this whole thing wrong. I was chasing a feeling, when really I ought to be chasing God! I was content trying to keep a drop of water in my hands, when really I needed to search for the spring.
Man, that insight was convicting. But it was so wonderful, too. I was able to sit myself right down and have a good long talk with God - just re-focusing and re-orienting myself on Him and His word. And what a difference it has made in my week! Where the beginning of the week I was listless and dull, the end of this week I am excited and full of joy.
So I want to ask you: is there something in your life you're chasing - a feeling, an achievement, the perfect relationship or friendship? Is there something that is becoming to you more of a satisfaction than God? If there is, I urge you, as I am encouraging myself, to turn right around. Orient your gaze on our Savior, the only Source of true Satisfaction. His love is better than life - and more satisfying than any feeling.
For quite a few days I tried to put a finger on it. Was it that I just needed to relax, eat something, take a nap, or talk to a friend or family member? Was it just that I needed a break from the routine - or I was rebelling at the fact that I had to get back into it?
Thursday afternoon, as I was sitting at the piano doodling the things off the top of my head, it came to me.
I was waiting for a feeling.
I was going through life, my routine, schedule, classes, practices, the whole nine yards - just waiting for a feeling. The reason for my dissatisfaction was the fact that I didn't feel right... and somehow, that put a cloud over everything about my day.
I couldn't be satisfied - and all because I didn't have that feeling.
I think you know the feeling I'm talking about. It's when you just feel like everything is alright with the world, the sky is blue and your heart is at peace... no matter what challenges you're facing or problems have arisen. I have had that feeling quite often - and that week it had been missing.
But then I asked myself, should I base my attitude on a mere feeling? Should my not feeling a certain way make my life into only a boring routine? Is a feeling the only thing that can make me truly satisfied?
The answer to that came to me a bit later as I was outside doing homework in the sunshine and wind of a beautiful fall day. I was going about this whole thing wrong. I was chasing a feeling, when really I ought to be chasing God! I was content trying to keep a drop of water in my hands, when really I needed to search for the spring.
Man, that insight was convicting. But it was so wonderful, too. I was able to sit myself right down and have a good long talk with God - just re-focusing and re-orienting myself on Him and His word. And what a difference it has made in my week! Where the beginning of the week I was listless and dull, the end of this week I am excited and full of joy.
So I want to ask you: is there something in your life you're chasing - a feeling, an achievement, the perfect relationship or friendship? Is there something that is becoming to you more of a satisfaction than God? If there is, I urge you, as I am encouraging myself, to turn right around. Orient your gaze on our Savior, the only Source of true Satisfaction. His love is better than life - and more satisfying than any feeling.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13This is my prayer for you, my sisters and brothers in Christ.
5.19.2010
No More Boxes
May is one of the busiest months for me out of the year. Everything seems to come to a head - recitals (I'm currently preparing for three: accompanying a violin recital, my teacher's piano recital, and my piano recital for my students), end of the year activities, get-togethers with friends, graduation open houses, preparing for college... it's all coming on top of me. And my tendency when things get overwhelming like this is to start putting things in boxes. That way, it all still seems orderly and structured, and I feel like I can still manage. But I've come to realize that that isn't the way I should run my life.
When I put my life in boxes, I don't just put the activities and people I'm interacting with into boxes - I put the Lord into one as well. I realize that I've been stuffing His word into a box, trying to follow through with what He's called me to do but not actually taking His truth into my heart. I just put it in a box and promise myself that I'll come back to it sometime and actually think about how it can apply to my life later. On the outside I say I want to do God's will, but in reality, I'm just trying to fit Him into mine.
This is not the way I want to live! I want His truth and will to penetrate every area of my life, not be segregated into something I only think about at a certain time. I want to live my life under His will.
I came to understand that this putting my life into boxes - it's really a way for me to have control of my life. I figure I have to do something to cope, so I figure out a way that I can take care of it. See all of the "I"s in that last sentence? I was forgetting that I can't do it on my own strength. I have to let Him take control.
Are there things in your life that you are putting into boxes - i.e. trying to control by yourself instead of surrendering to the Lord? Think and pray about this, and see if God brings things to your mind. Then I would encourage you to pray a prayer similar to mine:
My prayer is that God: "Refine me, so I may be a better piece of clay to be molded into Your likeness. My life is not my own - and that includes my control of it. From now on, Lord, I want my life to be under Your control. Give me discernment and clarity of mind to see what Your will is. Help me to take Your words to heart.
I want to follow You, Lord - please take the reigns. I have been trying to put You in the backseat for far too long. From now on, You're the pilot. I'm just following orders.
No more boxes."
When I put my life in boxes, I don't just put the activities and people I'm interacting with into boxes - I put the Lord into one as well. I realize that I've been stuffing His word into a box, trying to follow through with what He's called me to do but not actually taking His truth into my heart. I just put it in a box and promise myself that I'll come back to it sometime and actually think about how it can apply to my life later. On the outside I say I want to do God's will, but in reality, I'm just trying to fit Him into mine.
This is not the way I want to live! I want His truth and will to penetrate every area of my life, not be segregated into something I only think about at a certain time. I want to live my life under His will.
I came to understand that this putting my life into boxes - it's really a way for me to have control of my life. I figure I have to do something to cope, so I figure out a way that I can take care of it. See all of the "I"s in that last sentence? I was forgetting that I can't do it on my own strength. I have to let Him take control.
Are there things in your life that you are putting into boxes - i.e. trying to control by yourself instead of surrendering to the Lord? Think and pray about this, and see if God brings things to your mind. Then I would encourage you to pray a prayer similar to mine:
My prayer is that God: "Refine me, so I may be a better piece of clay to be molded into Your likeness. My life is not my own - and that includes my control of it. From now on, Lord, I want my life to be under Your control. Give me discernment and clarity of mind to see what Your will is. Help me to take Your words to heart.
I want to follow You, Lord - please take the reigns. I have been trying to put You in the backseat for far too long. From now on, You're the pilot. I'm just following orders.
No more boxes."
3.18.2010
Procrastinating
Don't you hate it when you procrastinate? It seems so easy - just forget about this thing, push that thing aside until tomorrow, telling yourself you can always start fresh in the morning - yet it starts you on a steep spiral downhill. Before you know it, you're floundering around at the bottom, with all the things you put off and brushed aside falling down around your ears. And you wonder how you can ever get out again.
That's the way I've felt the past couple of weeks. I easily fall into the temptation of procrastinating, especially when there's not a lot of scheduled things in my life. I put things I like to do first, such as going on the computer, blogging, facebook, etc. All the things I don't enjoy so much or things that are actual work get put off until later... which usually means they don't happen. I've wanted to stop it, of course, but I've always procrastinated with that too!
Today I was praying about this, and I realized that the reason it's so easy to fall into this and so hard to get out is because I don't have my priorities straight. I always put myself first; in front of God, others, and what I ought to do. I'm being selfish with my time!
Here is part of the prayer I prayed this morning (I usually write down my prayers): "Dear God, You see the thoughts and intentions of my heart. Please forgive me for procrastinating, and being selfish with my time, thoughts, and actions. I want You to be on the throne of my heart, not myself. Please help me to overcome this, so I can live as a child of light, not stumbling around in the darkness. I invite you back onto the throne of my heart to rule this kingdom that is so wayward and unruly. Throw out all the sinful, selfish desires I've furnished my heart with, and refurbish it with a longing for Your glory. Kindle the lamps of love and commitment and diligence for your name. Make this heart a kingdom for Your glory! Amen."
After I prayed that prayer, I felt a sense of determination and boldness that I had not felt before. I was ready to conquer - with God on the throne, directing my thoughts, actions, and heart. I knew that He would help me get rid of this procrastination, little by little. After all, how can I procrastinate when the Almighty God is the one directing my steps?
That's the way I've felt the past couple of weeks. I easily fall into the temptation of procrastinating, especially when there's not a lot of scheduled things in my life. I put things I like to do first, such as going on the computer, blogging, facebook, etc. All the things I don't enjoy so much or things that are actual work get put off until later... which usually means they don't happen. I've wanted to stop it, of course, but I've always procrastinated with that too!
Today I was praying about this, and I realized that the reason it's so easy to fall into this and so hard to get out is because I don't have my priorities straight. I always put myself first; in front of God, others, and what I ought to do. I'm being selfish with my time!
Here is part of the prayer I prayed this morning (I usually write down my prayers): "Dear God, You see the thoughts and intentions of my heart. Please forgive me for procrastinating, and being selfish with my time, thoughts, and actions. I want You to be on the throne of my heart, not myself. Please help me to overcome this, so I can live as a child of light, not stumbling around in the darkness. I invite you back onto the throne of my heart to rule this kingdom that is so wayward and unruly. Throw out all the sinful, selfish desires I've furnished my heart with, and refurbish it with a longing for Your glory. Kindle the lamps of love and commitment and diligence for your name. Make this heart a kingdom for Your glory! Amen."
After I prayed that prayer, I felt a sense of determination and boldness that I had not felt before. I was ready to conquer - with God on the throne, directing my thoughts, actions, and heart. I knew that He would help me get rid of this procrastination, little by little. After all, how can I procrastinate when the Almighty God is the one directing my steps?
