May is one of the busiest months for me out of the year. Everything seems to come to a head - recitals (I'm currently preparing for three: accompanying a violin recital, my teacher's piano recital, and my piano recital for my students), end of the year activities, get-togethers with friends, graduation open houses, preparing for college... it's all coming on top of me. And my tendency when things get overwhelming like this is to start putting things in boxes. That way, it all still seems orderly and structured, and I feel like I can still manage. But I've come to realize that that isn't the way I should run my life.
When I put my life in boxes, I don't just put the activities and people I'm interacting with into boxes - I put the Lord into one as well. I realize that I've been stuffing His word into a box, trying to follow through with what He's called me to do but not actually taking His truth into my heart. I just put it in a box and promise myself that I'll come back to it sometime and actually think about how it can apply to my life later. On the outside I say I want to do God's will, but in reality, I'm just trying to fit Him into mine.
This is not the way I want to live! I want His truth and will to penetrate every area of my life, not be segregated into something I only think about at a certain time. I want to live my life under His will.
I came to understand that this putting my life into boxes - it's really a way for me to have control of my life. I figure I have to do something to cope, so I figure out a way that I can take care of it. See all of the "I"s in that last sentence? I was forgetting that I can't do it on my own strength. I have to let Him take control.
Are there things in your life that you are putting into boxes - i.e. trying to control by yourself instead of surrendering to the Lord? Think and pray about this, and see if God brings things to your mind. Then I would encourage you to pray a prayer similar to mine:
My prayer is that God: "Refine me, so I may be a better piece of clay to be molded into Your likeness. My life is not my own - and that includes my control of it. From now on, Lord, I want my life to be under Your control. Give me discernment and clarity of mind to see what Your will is. Help me to take Your words to heart.
I want to follow You, Lord - please take the reigns. I have been trying to put You in the backseat for far too long. From now on, You're the pilot. I'm just following orders.
No more boxes."