Identity

What would life be like if your identity was wrapped up in something that could change in an instant? How would you live knowing that anything that happened to that one thing would cause your whole world to fall apart?

I jammed one of my fingers yesterday playing Frisbee. This morning I woke up and it had swelled some during the night, even though I put ice on it as soon as I jammed it. I started to freak out a little, because I've jammed fingers before and had them not heal completely until like a month afterward. And I kind of need my fingers right now, since I am a piano major at college.

As I was freaking out about all this, it suddenly hit me. I was wrapping my identity around my ability to play the piano. My ability to play the piano is definitely something that can change in an instant, as has been brought to my attention before (see this post about how I had to learn this same thing freshman year). If I let my identity become wrapped up in playing the piano, my whole world can be shattered very easily with an injured finger, wrist, arm, back, or anything. But, if I remember that my identity is wrapped up in the love of God which will never change, then I can stand secure.

I like to think of the comparison this way. I can define myself either as a Pianist Who Follows God, or as a Daughter of the King Who Plays the Piano. As a Pianist Who Follows God, something like a jammed finger is a huge deal, because playing the piano is my main focus. But as a Daughter of the King Who Plays the Piano, a jammed finger can be seen in His perspective. My goal is no longer simply to be a good pianist, but to glorify God.

This means that whatever happens with my fingers, hands, arms, back, health, emotions, anything - all of it is an opportunity to point people to God. Even if it's as simple as saying, "Yeah, I jammed my finger and probably won't be able to practice for a couple of days, but I'm okay with it because I know God is in control." That brings God glory.

And by God's grace, this is what I aim to do today.

What is your identity wrapped up in? Do you truly rest in the unchanging love of God, or are there other things that you identify yourself with?

My Psalms

This past school year had a lot of ups and downs for me. It was probably my busiest and most stressful year yet, and I often had to fight away worry and fear. And yet it also was my most fruitful and encouraging year, as I saw God bring me through each busy day, stressful situation, and difficult discussion.

There was a time towards the end of my year when my hands began hurting like my freshman year. I wrote these two Psalms during that time. The amazing thing is that my second psalm was written only one day after the first. 

I thought I would share them with you in hopes that they will encourage you. No matter where you are, remember that you can pour out your heart before God. Remind yourself of His love and power - and be amazed at what He can do.

via pinterest

Melody's First Psalm: Lament

Oh Lord, rescue me -
For I am weak and doubtful both in mind and soul.
Rescue me from my fears,
These anxieties that will not go away.
They well up in me like a flood
Whenever I think of my struggle,
My difficulties with the piano.

Give me grace, oh God, to trust You as I ought.
Give me perseverance.
Let me not grow impatient with myself,
Or give up because I don't understand how.

Teach me, oh Lord.

You created the piano,

You created me.

Surely You best know how those two fit together.

But I will trust in Your sovereign hand.
Even as I struggle, I will quiet my heart
With remembrance of Your omnipotence.
You see past this hurdle
And in Your eyes it is but a small hump
A mere blip in my existence.
Help me to keep Your eyes in my heart.

via pinterest

Melody's Second Psalm: Joy

Oh Lord, I will praise You.
My joy knows no limit,
It overflows though my life
Like a flood; I cannot contain it.

For You have rescued me from fear
And strengthened my mind to understand the technique
You've granted me a taste of victory -
Oh that I would always praise you like this!

Oh that I would worship You always,
For You have done things I despaired of.

Great are You, Lord.

I am

I am a pianist. This is how I have always defined myself.

(via pinterest)

That is, until my freshman year at Cedarville, when God taught me that this wasn’t entirely accurate. And unfortunately, He had to teach me this the hard way.

I’m a piano pedagogy major, which means I want to teach piano from my home or a studio. It also means that I practice – a lot. I’m at the piano at least two hours each day, if not more.

My second semester of freshman year, I started feeling sharp pains whenever I practiced the piano. I was being taught that “If it hurts, it’s wrong,” and so I had to stop playing for awhile as I, my teacher, and concerned fellow pianists tried to figure out what was wrong.

Was I using bad technique? My teacher didn’t think so. Was I playing too strenuous material? Of course not. Was it signs of carpel tunnel? The symptoms didn’t point to that. And on and on down the list. There didn’t seem to be anything horribly wrong with the way I played – yet every time I tried to practice I inevitably would experience pain and have to stop.

For at least a month I practiced only lightly for maybe 15 or 20 minutes a day. It was definitely one of the hardest times for me. My beloved piano playing – which was not only my major & career, but also my identity and way of expressing myself – was pretty much taken away from me. There were days I cried at the piano, days I was angry at my hands and played through the pain. I had based so much of my worth on playing the piano that when it was taken away from me I hardly knew what to do with myself. At times I felt like I had no purpose anymore.

But God gently and insistently taught me during that time just how important He was in my life: reminding me that I am his child, first and foremost. It doesn’t matter what I can or cannot do in this world – simply to be His gives me purpose enough.

Most of this I knew from my church’s teachings and reading the Bible, yet it had never sunk in in such a profound way before. Often we don’t let things that we know affect our life until we’re forced to come face to face with them.

I was forced to surrender and believe that if God took my ability to play my instrument completely from me, I would still be whole. Because I am his.

That was such a hard surrender, but by God’s grace, I was able to lay my piano playing at His feet. And you know what? Soon after I laid it down, He gave it back to me. Slowly, sometimes maddeningly slowly, but he restored my hands. I was able to pinpoint a few things that might have caused the problem, and build up my strength with short, “light” practices and plenty of stretching. And throughout it all I had to hold to the promise – God is my father, and He loves me. He does what’s best for me.

I am a pianist. But a better way to define me is:
a daughter of the Most High God,
who, by God’s grace,
plays the piano.


(This post was originally a guest post at my friend Kim's blog, Thinking Deeply. Reposted with permission.)

Listen

Tonight I had one of those rare moments at the piano.

I was playing the Chopin Nocturne that I'm working on (Op. 62. No. 1 if you're interested in listening to it), and decided to approach it a bit differently. Instead of focusing on all the things I was doing wrong at the piano (and working on correcting them), I stopped and really listened. Really payed attention to the incredible, gorgeous sounds the piano can create.

Slowly, I savored each melody note, each beautiful harmony and sighing suspension. I stopped on a few chords and closed my eyes, just listening to the resonance of the piano. Each note blossomed into an even deeper beauty after the initial hammer strike of the string. Like the waves of the ocean, the sound of that one note rolled away and then flooded back again, each time dying a little more, and a little more....

When I was done, I felt like for perhaps the first time I really enjoyed the sound I was playing as I was playing it. 

I don't think I have ever given myself permission to enjoy the sound of my instrument while I am playing a Classical piece on it. Sure, I can enjoy a recording of it afterward, when I don't have the arduous task of managing the multiple muscles and memories and brain functions that it takes to play the piano. But to do all that and listen with attentiveness? That's a hard one. Typically, I either focus solely on voicing one or more parts, or just take sound for granted.

All this got me thinking - if I can play a piano for two thirds of my lifetime (so far) and never really listen to the gorgeous, lush sounds I can make on it... what other things am I taking for granted? 

 What things are you taking for granted? Where do you need to stop... and listen?

Five Minutes on Trust

I've been meaning to write about my piano recital for some time now (since it happened almost three weeks ago), and have either been too busy or not motivated or just haven't been able to pull my thoughts together.(College will do that to you, unfortunately.) But when I saw this linkup, I knew I had to join. Especially when I saw the word for this Friday.

Trust.

This word has been my theme, my song this year, and already it has carried me through quite a number of situations. I'm sure you will grow tired of hearing about it - but God is really speaking to me through this word.

Go

When I stepped out onto the stage for my recital, I didn't just step out onto a wooden floor. I stepped out onto trust.

Trust made me put one foot in front of another, bow next to the piano, and sit down and begin to play. Trust calmed my heart, guided my fingers, focused my mind. Trust - not only in my Lord, but also in the fact that I had prepared well. I knew I had done all I could to bring myself to this point - so I gave up worrying and focused on executing.

And when you're trusting in the right thing, the results are amazing. God blessed, molded, and encouraged me through that recital - from the very beginnings of preparation down to the last detail of the day. It was simply amazing - a tribute to the God who can bring me through anything.

I just have to keep trusting.

stop

Recital

It's been a long time on the horizon, a small speck of light that keeps me pressing forward, practicing daily, struggling through hardships, slogging through discouragement... and now it's here.

My sophomore recital.

Your prayers for my strength and God's glory to shine are greatly appreciated. For ultimately, the goal that makes all of the hard work worth it is that God's glory be revealed in my life.

Risk

When I picked the word Trust as my word for this year, I expected to think about it in relation to a certain set of circumstances. It seems natural to focus on trusting God for my future, trusting that He has everything under control, and trusting Him for strength and words to say each day. (Not to say that I can do these things well at all, but just that I tend to think of trusting God in those ways first.) But God brought to my attention a different aspect of trust I had not thought of before. It involves trusting God with my piano playing.

Now I have had experience trusting God to get me through pain in my piano playing and to give me the strength needed to play and practice the piano well. But recently I was challenged to trust God enough to risk in my piano playing.

I have a recital coming up (this next Friday, actually), and I know the pieces I'm playing for it quite well. Memorized, analyzed, choreographed, practiced... I could probably play these pieces if you woke me from a sound sleep with cold water in the face, set me in front of a piano and told me to play. Granted, the pieces are still difficult, but I've played through them in their difficult-ness so much that I'm used to it.

I had my recital check so my professors could make sure I was ready to play for the recital. It went fine - I played my pieces well even though I was nervous, and my professors said I passed. But one thing they deeply impressed upon me was their desire to see me take a risk. Make an impact. To not hold back and play it safe, but to put my all into my playing.

I'm totally a play it safe kind of person, and not just in the realm of music. I am almost always concerned about doing things "just right:" not too overdone vs mediocre, not too cheesy vs insincere, not too harsh vs indifferent. I think it comes from a basic desire to fit in and be liked and accepted by others. Plus, I've seen too many people risk and fail, or just look incredibly foolish, and I don't want to be like them. I want to succeed - in life, in relationships, in music.

But I'm starting to realize that success does not necessarily come from control. Success comes from giving it all and trusting God for the rest - in piano playing, and also in my life.

A Pianist's Frustration

Her hands came crashing down at the piano again, knuckles almost white from the intensity of her playing. Slowly, she beat the endless sixteenth notes into her fingers, the keys, and everything around her. The air pulsated with the rhythm of her frustration.

Mentally, she cursed herself every time her fingers missed a note, a beat, or even a fingering. Why had they mutinied and become such stupid, slow followers?

She dropped her hands off the piano in disgust, feeling them throb as the pressure on them was lifted. Usually this was a more pleasant sensation, reminding her of all she had accomplished, but today it only pained her still more.

She was not making progress. Though she could set the metronome at higher and higher speeds, each time she barreled through her fingers knew less and less notes. She scowled at them as they hung by her side. They couldn't even play it at a slow speed, much less the galloping pace it required. Could she ever get it there?

This was how I felt yesterday. I was practicing a piece full of almost non-stop sixteenth notes, and getting extremely frustrated with my fingers' sudden lack of ability to cooperate with my brain. Playing louder than I probably ever had on that piano, I tried to pound the correct notes into my fingers. But it only made me more and more frustrated.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

For you music types, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I bet you've experienced something like this before, be it clumsy fingers on the piano, running out of breath for the voice or wind instrument, or any other frustration for a musician.

Sometimes, I just wish my piano playing was like a machine that I could always count on to do the job. But it isn't a machine, it's a part of me. And I have to learn to be patient with me.

When I wrote that excerpt at the beginning I didn't have any more than what you see there. At the time, I was too frustrated to bring any kind of resolution to the story. So, dear readers, I put the question to you. How would you finish the story? Would you give resolution (and how?) or would you simply leave it hanging, with the frustration still in the air...?

If you get inspiration for the ending of this, please go ahead and post it! I'd love to see what y'all come up with. And feel free to share your own stories of musical frustration... I know we all have those moments. ;)

The Intricate Inner Workings of a Piano

I wrote this for my composition class, and I thought I would share it with you all. The paper had to be on a mechanical process... and so naturally I chose the topic of how a piano works! I also included some pictures I took one day in a practice room when I was taking a break from practicing. I hope you enjoy it, and perhaps gain a new appreciation of the piano.

When I was five, my grandparents bought my family an upright piano. At the time, I loved sitting down in front of it and just hitting notes, listening with pleasure to the sounds I could make by simply pressing down a key. Not until I grew older and looked inside a piano did I discover just how many mechanisms the piano had to take my pressing down a key and turn it into sound. A whole lot happened inside there that I knew nothing about! Suddenly, a whole new world opened up, even with my limited knowledge of the inner workings of a piano. And as I learned more, I grew to love and appreciate it even deeper. So, I would like to give a tour of the piano to those who love it, hate it, or know it only as something to hold down the carpet. In order to understand exactly how a piano works, one must know the basic components: the keys, the action, the strings, and the soundboard.

The piano keys are the most iconic thing about the piano. In older days people made them out of ivory, but since people cannot legally obtain ivory anymore they use pine wood topped with plastic instead. Pine wood works well because it is lightweight, strong, and not easily warped. Underneath each key two pins stick up through cloth-lined holes into the bottom of the key. No one ever sees this part of the key, but without them the piano keys would not go up and down so smoothly. When the cloth inside the holes begins to wear away, or if these pins are not carefully made, the piano keys will stick or even rock from side to side. Another “invisible” part of the piano keys is the “key button:” a rectangular piece of wood glued up underneath the wooden front of the piano at the key’s balance point. This also keeps the key in its place and helps it “balance” while not in use.

Most people never come in contact with this next component of the piano: the action. This mechanism rests on the back of the piano key, transferring the strike of the key through the hammer to the strings. At least 21 different parts work together to make up this mechanism, and each has their own role. Therefore, people find it hard to understand the action in detail without seeing it. However, William B. White, in his book Theory and Practice of Piano Construction explains the basic idea of this device: when someone strikes the key, the back end of the key goes up. The action goes up with the back end of the key, and creates a chain reaction of levers and wheels and acting upon the felt-tipped hammer. The hammer strikes the string firmly and then rebounds, leaving the string free to vibrate. The levers hold the hammer in position to strike again as soon as the person playing the piano lifts the key up and presses it again. (102-105).

Another part of the action is the dampers, though they lay on top of the strings instead of underneath with the rest of the action. The dampers are small pieces of wood with stacked felt bottoms which lay on top of the strings. They act like soft clamps, deadening the vibration of the string (and thus the sound) as long as they lay on top of the strings. When the hammer hits the string, part of the action also pushes the damper up off of the strings. So as long the person playing the piano holds the key down, the damper will stay up, letting the string vibrate. But as soon as the person lets go of the key, the damper falls back onto the string again, stopping the sound. Thus, the piano can produce quick sounds as well as sounds that resonate for a long time.

The mechanism of the action takes action upon the strings. I once heard the strings called the “guts” of a piano, and they certainly look like it. Made out of cast-steel wire, they grow progressively thicker from the treble to the bass. The bass strings are wound with copper wire on top of the cast-steel to make them even thicker on lowest notes. In the middle and towards the treble, each note has two and then three strings, increasing the sound in the higher notes. Bernard Richardson, author of the article “The Acoustics of the Piano,” states that this type of stringing gives an effect called “dual decay,” which means the initial sound deteriorates rapidly, but the “aftersound,” or echo of sound, reverberates for a much longer time. So the ear hears a longer, louder sound (108). Also, since people prefer smaller, more compact musical instruments, they string the bass notes diagonally over the treble. This “overstrung” pattern allows for longer bass strings while conserving space. This pattern of laying the strings out gives the piano (especially the grand piano) its unique shape.

The holes in the iron plate to let the sound out.

The strings attach to an iron plate which is bolted to the frame through holes in the soundboard. The plate holds everything together and keeps the tightness of the strings from snapping the frame of the piano. The other end of the strings attaches to pins embedded in the “pinblock,” a block of wood which lies towards the front of the piano next to the action of the keys. These pins are called “tuning pins” because they enable a piano tuner to tune the piano simply by twisting them to make the strings longer or shorter. Changing the length of the strings changes their pitch as well. The shorter the string the higher the pitch will be, and vice versa.

The pinblock with the tuning pins

The soundboard is my favorite part of the piano because though it is crucial to the unique sound of a piano, most people don’t even know it exists. This component of a piano is a thin plane of wood which lies underneath the strings, curving slightly towards them in the middle. Ribs of wood on its back support and strengthen it, control the degree of the arch, and keep it in shape. Like a huge drum, the soundboard throbs with the string’s vibrations and amplifies them to the outside of the piano. It’s only attached to the frame of the piano at the edges, leaving almost the whole sheet of wood free to vibrate. According to G. A. Briggs, author of various books on sound and loudspeakers, the ideal soundboard would be constructed of spruce wood with a close grain. This allows it to transmit vibrations rapidly across the grain and also makes it sensitive to even the most delicate vibrations of the strings. (28). Without the soundboard, a piano would sound much like a harp: light, tinkling, and with not much substance. But with it, the light and sometimes sharp sound of the strings becomes beautiful and blooming, resonating through a whole house or recital hall.

View of the soundboard from the back of the piano towards the keys. You can see the iron plate with the pin sticking through it above the soundboard.

Glued to the soundboard are wooden “bridges:” thin blocks of wood that serve to bring the vibrations to the soundboard. Little pins hold the strings down diagonally across these bridges. According to Aurthur A. Reblitz, author of Piano Servicing, Tuning, & Rebuilding, this keeps the strings firmly in place and assures that the vibrations travel down to the soundboard as they oscillate back and forth across the strings (19). The bridges also define the pitch of each string, because they end the string’s vibrations at different lengths.

The piano is an incredibly complicated instrument, with many parts that must work together and react in the right way. If any of the parts stop working correctly or have some kind of defect, the piano will not sound the same. Many pianos develop sticking keys, defective hammers, broken strings, or even a crack in the soundboard. Any one of these problems severely affects the performance of the piano, and if they go un-fixed, the piano is moved to the “second-rate” spot in someone’s unused parlor or Sunday school room. The piano is often an integral fixture in everyday life, even if people see it as simply another piece of furniture. At least a basic knowledge of the piano gives a much greater appreciation of the importance and amazing intricacy of this instrument. Not many other instruments out there combines such a variety of mechanisms to create that beautiful singing sound called music which echoes the sighs of the human heart.

You Asked, I Answered

I know I said I would post this yesterday, but all of your questions were so deep and interesting that I didn't finish answering until today! I was surprised how many of them were music-related. But I guess after all, my name is Melody. ;)

So here they are! Hope you enjoy my answers.

From Eden:
How long have you been playing piano?

Well, I've been playing on the piano for 14 years, but taking lessons for 12. And the funny thing is that I've had a total of 6 teachers during that time! I'll be starting with my 7th when I go to Cedarville in August.

What is your favorite hobby and why?

If you mean by "hobby" something that I do for fun to pass the time, I would have to say writing stories. I don't consider it my main interest, but I do enjoy it a lot. I love the thrill of coming up with beautiful ways to say something, or writing something about a character that just really touches you deeply. Eventually I would like to be more into it, but at the moment, I still consider it a hobby.

From Joy:
What's your favorite genre of music to play? ...to listen to? and why?

I enjoy playing a lot of genres of music; really it depends on my mood. I play mostly classical, but I love playing movie themes or modern piano pieces when I'm feeling emotional or sad. And of course I love playing my own compositions because they are the way I express myself!

I also have a lot of favorite genres of music I listen to. I love movie soundtracks, modern piano pieces, classical, and also Contemporary Christian. For Contemporary Christian, I like artists such as Sara Groves, Michael Card, Steven Curtis Chapman... If the words are edifying and the music is beautiful & pleasant to listen to, then I'll probably like it!

From Guinevere:
What's your favorite blog?

My own! lol just kidding. How could I chose a favorite among all my awesome friends on the blogging world?
I have found though that what makes a blog one of my "favorites" is when the author is willing to be real, and at the same time displays a love of beauty in their writing.

What inspires you most?

There are so many things that inspire me. A phrase, beautiful sunset, hug from a friend... but I think it all boils down to love. Love inspires me. Whether it's the love of my friends and family, God's love, or the love I have for nature, piano, or any of my passions. Love inspires me to write, to sing, to be the person God made me to be. When I feel loved is when I compose my most beautiful melodies.  

Your favorite Bible verse?

Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore brothers, in view of God's mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is; His good, pleasing and perfect will."(I typed it out from memory, but I think that's NIV.) I love this verse because this is exactly what I want to do with my life.

What's your favorite piece you've composed? Can you share it with us?

You all seem to like asking questions about my favorite things! (Which, as you can see, is hard for me to answer). :D Currently, I think my favorite piece I've composed is one called "The Friendship." I wrote it after a really sweet time I had with a friend. I think to me it symbolizes letting go of holding tight to my friendships, and putting them in God's hands. Remembering the memories, but not making them all I strive for. I know God has so much more planned for my friendships, if only I'll trust him.

And unfortunately, the video I tried to make of me playing this song wouldn't upload to my computer, so I'll have to try again later. :P

From Annie: 
How do you compose music? Do the melodies just come to you, do you create, and how do you make it sound so good?

Oh wow... where to begin?

Typically, I compose music one of two ways. Either I sit down at the piano (with some kind of emotion in mind or in my heart), pick a key, and just start playing. Or, I'm sparked by some kind of melody I've heard or came up with, and then I elaborate on it. ("My Prayer" is an example of the first, "Frustration" is an example of the second.) Yes, melodies do tend to just come to me... I'm not sure how that is!

And typically how I make it sound good (or better) is I go over my rough idea and then pull out other things I wouldn't have just naturally played the first time. For example, I tend to do a lot of arpeggios and octaves in the left hand, so often that's just naturally what I play when I'm first making up a song. Then as I get the melody and the chords more solidified, I'll figure out something a little different for the left hand (for example, in the beginning of "Press On"). So I guess I never really have a whole song just come to me in my mind. It's always a collaboration between me and my piano. ;) I will play a piece over and over and over again until I know just exactly what parts are where and just how each section is played. And then it's a song! :) 

From The Golden Eagle:
What is the most life-altering thing that has happened to you?

I'd have to say, when I became a Christian. Actually, though I was saved at age 6, I re-committed my life to God when I was 13. I realized that I hadn't really been growing as a Christian; I had been content to do all the right things without striving to be the right person. I re-committed my life to serving and glorifying Him - and it affects everything I do!

From Kimberose:
Are you planning to study music in college (or are you already graduated?). If so, do you know anything about scholarships and how you work towards them?

Yes, I am planning on studying music in college - specifically Piano Pedagogy (I'll be a freshman at Cedarville University this fall). For scholarships, typically the school you're going to will have some sort of scholarship for those going into music. For me, when I auditioned, they automatically counted that as an entry into a scholarship (which I won, by the way!). But I would look at the school you're considering and see what they have. :)

From Lauren.ann: 
Why did you decide to start a blog?

I think I first started because I just thought it would be a cool thing to do. Funny thing is, no one I knew in real life had one, so I don't know how I first heard about it. I love writing, and I thought it would be cool to be able to share my writing with others. And just look how it's grown!

From Alexandra: 
Are there any special or unusual places that you've composed songs?

This is an interesting question! I've never really thought about where I compose songs before. But I have composed in some pretty unusual places... driving home from Bible Study (in the dark, no less), in the shower, in the middle of a conversation with a friend, when I'm trying to get to sleep... Usually these type of songs are songs with words. I'll think of the words and the melody that goes along with them. Or I'll get an idea for a melody (without words) and finish it on the piano (because as I said before, usually I compose at the piano).

If you were to describe yourself in one word, what would it be and why? 

Creative. And by creative, I don't mean "different". I mean that I love to create. Love to look at things through God's eyes and try to capture that in some way. I love beauty - love to see it, feel it, capture it, create it. This is me. Creative.


All this talk about music and my compositions reminded me of something very cool which I am currently working on. I think you all will be really excited, so I'm gonna tell you (though it's not finished yet).

I'm making a CD of my compositions! Once I get it all finished, I'll probably make a way for it to be on itunes (or amazon or something like that) so you all can buy it! Isn't that cool, or what? :D

You Asked For It!

Here are the videos of me playing my compositions like you asked for! I've uploaded two for your enjoyment. It's been pretty amazing how each day this week I will just sit down at the piano and compose a new song. It is so much fun. :)
Please make sure to turn off the music player on the sidebar before you watch them. 

This first one is called "Frustration", and is based off of a very simple (but effective) chord progression. I imagine someone sitting down at the piano and starting a song, but quickly getting frustrated that it just repeats over and over again:




This song is tentatively titled "Press On". I envision a person on a journey, exhausted and weary beyond belief, yet always finding new strength in God. I'd like to know how it speaks to you!
The song is not quite "finished" - i.e. there are probably parts I will take out or polish a little more. And the ending is rather drawn out because I wasn't really solid on how I was going to end it. But here it is, for your enjoyment:

God is so good

Remember singing that song in Sunday School "God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me."? Well I want to shout it off the rooftops right now! I'm just overflowing with happiness!

Okay, so the reason for all this exuberant joy is that I passed my audition at Cedarville!!!!!!! Here's the story:

We drove down to Ohio last night so I would get a good night's sleep (it's about a 4 hour drive), and then had a day at Cedarville doing different things like theory testing, aural skills, meeting the professors & music faculty and stuff like that. My audition wasn't until 2:00, so I had a long time to wait and get nervous. But the professors tried to make me feel at home. One of the piano professors, Dr. C, let me use his office to practice in. There are 19 practice rooms, but he has two Steinway grands in his office! So that was really nice. For those of you who don't play piano or know much about it, playing on a grand (any grand) is much different from playing on an upright. And to the listener, the sound a grand piano makes is so much more beautiful!

Anyways, I practiced in his room for a while and got used to the feel of the grand. It was really good that I was able to practice, because I hadn't been able to practice much the two days beforehand. I had actually been pretty overwhelmed and stressed out, because I was having to teach students, pack and prepare for the audition, and also my teacher had given me many things to work on for my songs (which there was no way I could integrate in the short amount of time I had). But my parents helped me calm down and re-focus. They reminded me that I'm not playing for my teacher, or even for the professors. I'm playing for an Audience of One.

So when the time finally came for my audition at two, God granted me peace. I was able to relax and actually enjoy the pieces (instead of dreading the hard parts). I still messed up, but somehow it wasn't as important anymore. What was important instead was that I was playing for God. 

The two professors told me they were very impressed, and they also told me some things I'd need to work on. They really encouraged me to come to Cedarville (obviously), and told me how it would all work if I did decide to go there. It was really neat to be able to get the answers to a lot of my questions, and just talk with the professors. I could see it all fitting into place, and I just knew that God was opening the door. There was no question.

Isn't my God so good?

~Melody

Audition Time!

Recently I've been trying to practice piano for three hours a day, and I think it's affecting me. Both yesterday and today, I've dreamed in vivid detail about practicing piano; with my dreams usually involving a mistake I made, or some part where my hands wouldn't obey my brain.

I bet you're wondering why I'm getting crazy about piano all of a sudden. Well, it isn't really all of a sudden. I've been preparing for this time for months, years even. You see, next Thursday I will be auditioning to get into the music school at Cedarville University.This is a big event for me!

Since I've been preparing these pieces for so long, I've kind of felt like I "had arrived". I mean, I've had a lot of instruction on them, and I think I can play them pretty well! But recently, through a new teacher, and a group class, I've found that I can improve a whole lot more. I've been realizing that I can't treat the piece like an untamed colt, to break and master and then move on. Instead, I must treat it like going on a journey: uncovering layers of sound, touch, technique, dynamics, phrasing, and beauty. And even after my audition the journey will not end. For when does music ever end?

The three pieces I will be playing are Bach Prelude & Fugue in B-Flat Minor (which is considered one piece), Haydn Sonata No. 59, and Schubert Impromptu Op. 90 No. 4. (I've given you links to listen to the songs so you can get an idea of how they go, though I couldn't find one of the Bach piece.) The Bach sounds like it's meant for organ, with slow, chordal passages and a very measured beat. It's very solemn and proud, in a tragic way. The Haydn is very jumpy and capricious, almost like Haydn is just playing around on the piano having fun. That one's probably the hardest for me, just because it's so fast and hard to maintain control. I much prefer slower pieces like the Bach. The Schubert is my favorite, because it's just so beautiful; like a vivid painting cascading down like watercolors from a painter's brush. I especially love the middle section where it switches to the minor key. It's so sad and touching - almost melodramatic!

So I am very excited, and of course nervous for this audition. I am trying to take the advice a good friend gave me: to keep my thoughts focused on God, and the beauty He has created in this music, rather than on myself. That way, I won't be as nervous. I would definitely appreciate prayer for all of this!

~Melody

Music Weaves Throughout My Life

I've been thinking alot about music lately. It's amazing how much music is woven throughout the tapestry of my life, even if it's just in the background. I listen to music, compose it, practice it, teach it, basically live it. Just about the only time music isn't playing in my life is when I'm asleep - but even then I usually wake up with a song stuck in my head!

A huge way music is in my life is through my piano playing. I've been playing piano for about twelve years now, and I'm currently preparing three piano pieces for my audition at Cedarville. (Which is coming up in February!) These pieces have been in my life for quite some time now - the "oldest" one I started playing two or three years ago. They really are so much a part of me that I can play them with my eyes closed! I'm sure my family is getting sick of them by now, but I think they've become a part of their lives as well. I often catch my brothers humming my songs after I'm done practicing.

Music also takes a big role in my writing. Often, the lyrics of songs will inspire me for a poem, or even a whole story. I also usually find one or two (or a whole playlist) of songs that just fit perfectly with the story I'm writing. With my last NaNoWriMo novel, "Rescue My Heart", it was Love Story meets Viva la Vida by Jon Schmidt, More Than It Seems by Kutless, and The Offering by Michael W Smith. (Click on the links to listen to the songs on Grooveshark.) Those songs just really seemed to fit with the story at different parts, and sometimes I drew inspiration for the next scene from them!

At the end of one of my poems (I won't share the whole thing because I wrote it three years ago and it's not very good), I wrote these words: "Music is a part of me. Without it, I would cease to be." Though that is, perhaps, slightly exaggerated, the words are true. Music is the ink for my pen, the haven for my sorrows, the backing to my tapestry. And the best music, I've found, is the music that reminds me of the One who made my tapestry. He's skilfully weaving even as I write - and I'm so glad He uses music as the base for my life.

~Melody

clep tests, sick students... God always cares

Today has been a very interesting day. I've really had to rely a lot on God's strength for all the challenges and worries that I've had.

I teach piano, and today I had a new kind of experience with piano teaching. My student all of a sudden started feeling sick halfway through her lesson. I really had no idea what to do except to end the lesson. Then I called her mom and let her lay down on the sofa. I prayed alot while I waited for her mom to show up. I felt really responsible, almost as if she had gotten sick because of me. I also wished that we had finished the lesson, since she only has lessons every other week and needs all the instruction she can get. But God calmed my heart, (and I pray, hers as well) and she was able to get home okay.

The other big (BIG) thing today was my Natural Sciences CLEP test. Here, too, I was met with problems. There were a lot of things about the test which made me nervous. For one thing, when the test finally started, the computer screen showed all of the words upside down! Even the mouse worked counter to the way it should be. The lady tried to fix it, but nothing would work. So finally she turned the computer screen upside down. Surprisingly, that worked okay!

So I started the test, trying not to spend too much time on each question like I've been told. But I found that almost all of the questions were asking about things that I really wasn't familiar about, or was only vaguely familiar with! I had studied long and hard for this test, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had studied things that were more general (like the makeup of a cell), and this was asking about very specific things (like what protozoa has x amount of organelles). I had thought that the test was going to be about more general stuff since it covers so many topics (Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Earth Sciences, Physiology)! But no, they had to ask specific questions!

I started to hyperventilate because so many of the questions that I was looking at seemed like a maze of unknown words and ideas. But I pulled myself together, and closed my eyes. "Lord," I prayed, "This is Your test. I will rely on You. Help me to think clearly." I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I looked back at the computer screen and determined to work the problem out. Each time I was faced with a hard question, I went through it slowly, trying to grasp the words that might give me a clue for the outcome. Unfortunately, this made it so that I only had 8 minutes at the end to go over all the questions I had marked because I wasn't sure about them. Boy, I hate racing against time. It's weird, though, my brain almost seems to work at a faster rate when I'm under pressure. But I certainly don't like it!

Finally, the time went out: 3....2......1, and there was nothing else I could do. I seriously was almost shaking. I still wasn't sure if I had made it, though I had been able to go over all of the questions I'd marked. It was with held breath that I clicked on "Continue to score". The score showed up on the screen: 62! I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Cedarville University (the college I want to go to next year) required a score of exactly 62 or higher. I had passed!

Immediately, I thanked God. He is so amazing, isn't he? To care about one insignificant CLEP test in one insignificant person's life... to care about me!

~Melody