Chasing a Feeling

This past week I've been feeling slightly out of sorts and discontented all week. There was nothing really bothering me - I didn't even have that much homework to do - yet there was still those vague clouds on my horizon weighing me down.

For quite a few days I tried to put a finger on it. Was it that I just needed to relax, eat something, take a nap, or talk to a friend or family member? Was it just that I needed a break from the routine - or I was rebelling at the fact that I had to get back into it?

Thursday afternoon, as I was sitting at the piano doodling the things off the top of my head, it came to me.

I was waiting for a feeling.

I was going through life, my routine, schedule, classes, practices, the whole nine yards - just waiting for a feeling. The reason for my dissatisfaction was the fact that I didn't feel right... and somehow, that put a cloud over everything about my day.

I couldn't be satisfied - and all because I didn't have that feeling.

I think you know the feeling I'm talking about. It's when you just feel like everything is alright with the world, the sky is blue and your heart is at peace... no matter what challenges you're facing or problems have arisen. I have had that feeling quite often - and that week it had been missing.

But then I asked myself, should I base my attitude on a mere feeling? Should my not feeling a certain way make my life into only a boring routine? Is a feeling the only thing that can make me truly satisfied?

The answer to that came to me a bit later as I was outside doing homework in the sunshine and wind of a beautiful fall day. I was going about this whole thing wrong. I was chasing a feeling, when really I ought to be chasing God! I was content trying to keep a drop of water in my hands, when really I needed to search for the spring.

Man, that insight was convicting. But it was so wonderful, too. I was able to sit myself right down and have a good long talk with God - just re-focusing and re-orienting myself on Him and His word. And what a difference it has made in my week! Where the beginning of the week I was listless and dull, the end of this week I am excited and full of joy.

So I want to ask you: is there something in your life you're chasing - a feeling, an achievement, the perfect relationship or friendship? Is there something that is becoming to you more of a satisfaction than God? If there is, I urge you, as I am encouraging myself, to turn right around. Orient your gaze on our Savior, the only Source of true Satisfaction. His love is better than life - and more satisfying than any feeling.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

This is my prayer for you, my sisters and brothers in Christ.

Let me draw you hither...

I am feeling rather Medieval-ish or perhaps slightly British in my speech tonight, so be-warned and beware. ;)

This shall be a rather short post, as I have only a few items with which I would like to interest you. So here they are, for your perusal:

1. I have written a guest post for Bree from He Designs My Life. The post is on fall, and an analogy I like to draw from it. Head on over there and check it out (and be sure to leave a comment too - it's her birthday month and I know she would love to hear from you)!

2. I now know quite a number of people from college who have blogs. There's my hall-mate Emily who blogs at Emi's Bedtime Stories, my breakfast buddy who goes by Jo March, and just started a blog called Marginalia. And also my friend Violet, who some of you may know from her blog For the Love of Chaos, has started another blog detailing her college adventures and insights. It's called Epic's the Word. :)
I know each of these girls would love it if you checked out their blogs and left them some comments!

3. Remember my CD that I talked about in this post? Yes, it's still in the works, though by now I actually have it quite close to completion (insert screams of excitement and joy here). :D The only slight impediment to the culmination of this project is that I simply cannot make up my mind whether or not to make it be just an mp3 download, or to have it be a CD as well. So, I thought, what are readers for except to give their opinion? ;) Therefore, I have a poll up on the side kindly requesting your opinion on this subject quite near and dear to my heart. ;)

Alrighty, so I think that's probably enough to keep y'all busy for awhile, wot wot! Don't forget to pop by later as I almost have my other college post finished, as well as some pictures for my photography blog.

Cheerio!

A Small Part of the Kaleidoscope

College is like a huge kaleidoscope - so many different colors, shades, textures, shapes, and the like. So I figured it would be best to answer your questions in a few posts, so you get a few manageable glimpses. (I only wish it could be like that for me!) ;)

First off, the basics. I'm going to Cedarville University (typically referred to as being "in the middle of a cornfield"). Cedarville is a Christian university, and as such, challenges me in my walk with Christ every day. I am so glad I am going to a Christian college instead of a secular one, because the atmosphere here is just so amazing. The people I am surrounded with are all living examples of being on a journey towards Christlikeness. Of course no one is perfect, but I appreciate all the kindnesses: of guys opening the doors for you, random deep theological discussions over lunch, and professors who pray for you and desire you to draw closer to Christ. Everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by something inspiring.

I'm studying music - my degree is in Piano Pedagogy, which basically means I'm studying to be a piano teacher. I love all aspects of music (and hope to be taking a composition class soon!) but I think this degree is the most valuable for me, as I will have a ready-made job all set for me, and also hopefully be able to be a wife and mother like I desire. 

I'm living on campus (almost all of the students do, actually). The dorms are actually pretty decent - they feel small, but I think that has something to do with the fact that we un-bunked our beds. ;) My roommate and I are very compatible - both of us rather quiet and studious. We're also both music majors, which is very cool because we can "talk music" together.

One of the questions asked about how I've been able to transition from being homeschooled to college. Actually, it hasn't been that difficult. Being homeschooled gave me the advantage of being disciplined with my time. (I know just because you're homeschooled doesn't mean you're disciplined, but for the most part I was, which helped.) I think the hardest thing to transition was the constant "on the go" every day. On average, I'm away from the dorm 8am to 4pm each day, which was quite an adjustment for this homebody. ;) But now that I'm getting used to the schedule, it is beginning to feel comfortable (though I still like home best).

Another question was on looking for colleges in high school. Honestly, I didn't really start looking at colleges until I received the legendary piles of mail from colleges after taking the ACT test (I believe that was in my junior year). I evaluated colleges by a few criterion: What were their beliefs? Were they close enough to home? Were they small enough for my liking? Did they have a good music school? Did they have a pedagogy program? (Surprisingly, most colleges don't.) These were just the things I decided I wanted most in a college...  you'll have to come up with your own criteria yourself.

Of course, I also prayed extensively about this. I believe I can honestly say God wants me here at Cedarville. And I am so glad He has placed me here - a place where I can grow, learn, and broaden my understanding of Him and everything He has created.

No matter how crazy the kaleidoscope turns, or how jumbled the pieces of life seem, I am thankful that I can see Him shining through it all.

In my next post, I'll answer your questions that are more along the lines of school and routine. 'Till then, friends! :)