I've been thinking about the song "Only Hope" recently. Especially the chorus where the words are:
"And I lay my head back down,
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours I pray
To be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope."
I've been pondering over how I must "lay my head back down" before I can really be submitted to Him (being "only Yours"). It's so hard for me to let go of my plans for my future, and just trust Him. Can I truly say I'm laying my head down in perfect peace and rest?
I know that hasn't been the case recently. I've really been struggling with my future - namely, whether or not to go to Cedarville University next year. Part of me wants to go, and part of me dreads it & wants to stay here. And for me, it's not just an issue of living in a new place with new people and classes (though that's pretty scary in itself!). I also have to deal with the health & food issues. Our family makes a special effort to eat healthy, and so I don't know if I could eat college food everyday and still be okay. And I don't know if that would be such a good thing to sacrifice just for an education.
I'm really praying and thinking a lot about this. I'm praying that if God wants me to stay here, that He'd open the doors for all these things I'd be missing if I didn't go to Cedarville. I'm trying to let go and let God show me the answer, instead of worrying myself to death over it. But it's so hard! I keep swaying back and forth.
If you think of it, please pray for me. And I would love to hear of any struggles or difficulties in decisions about your future that you are facing, so I can pray for you too. I believe reciprocal prayer is one of the most rewarding.