Just Breathe

Hello, bloggers!

Yeah, you've probably forgotten about me, haven't you? I'm the girl who tries to juggle 2 blogs, 17 college credits, 20 hours of practicing a week, sleep, and a social life. I'm pretty good at multitasking, but not that good. My social life, sleep, and blogs have kind of dropped by the wayside (and practicing too, but don't tell my teachers that!). I'm barely staying on top of homework right now, not to mention studying for tests that almost all of my teachers decided to give before next Thursday (which is our fall break).

And then to try to put God in the mix...

Yeah, I haven't been doing so well with that either.

I know I can't do everything (though sometimes I find myself acting like I can!). But even in the midst of this crazy busyness, where life seems non-stop, God asks me to stop for a moment and be with Him. To get in His word and soak in His peace and joy and satisfaction.

via pinterest

I once heard a speaker in our chapel talk about how God's word is like a breath of air. Have you ever been outside in the fall and breathed in deeply just as a gust of cool air whoooshes into your face? God's word is just like that. It is the freshest, most deeply satisfying breath of air.

So, dear friends, if you are stressed, burned out, overloaded, working non-stop, I would encourage you to take a moment to breathe. Breathe in the energizing air of God's word daily so you can be renewed in your mind, your heart, and your strength.

You can do it. Just breathe.

When I am my weakest

When I am my weakest... HE HOLDS ME IN HIS STRONG HANDS.

When I hit rock bottom... HE CARRIES ME ON EAGLES' WINGS.

When I have no will to go on... HE PICKS ME UP AND REMINDS ME OF HIS PLAN FOR MY LIFE.

When my body is worn out... HE INFUSES HIS POWER INTO ME.

When I fear no one loves me... HE CRADLES ME GENTLY AND TIGHTLY CLOSE TO HIS HEART

When my mind gives in to worry... HE REMINDS ME THAT HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THE FUTURE.

I've been going through a rough time this week with a crazy sickness that won't loose its hold on me. These are the things I have had to hold on tightly to through it all. They are the only things that could bring me through.

Are you going through a difficult time? Something that saps your energy, consumes your emotions, makes you a nervous wreck? I pray that you would join me in holding these truths close as the devil tries to get a foothold of fear and worry in your life. Remind yourself just how much God loves you - and just how close He is through it all.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139: 7-10

Beginning to See

"Now that I'm through, I can begin to see more clearly."

I wrote that sentence in my journal just a few nights ago, in relation to a really stressful situation that happened the end of this past week. I had taken a test in order to try to test out of one of my classes, and it ended up that I was going to have to pay a ridiculously high fee just in order to test out. Also, I had added a physical education class to my load... and ended up realizing that it was just too much.

All in all - it was a really emotional, draining time for me. There were so many different questions and anxiety and emotions swirling in my head that it felt like I was in a grey mist. On top of all that, I was mentally and physically worn out from the long days with back-to-back classes & accompanying (Wednesday was 9 hours straight with only 1/2 hour break for lunch). I was exhausted... and I couldn't see an end anytime soon.

Well God knows that the best way to get us to see clearly sometimes is to put roadblocks in our way. Oftentimes, we don't even realize that we're not viewing life with God's eyes... so He has to cover our world with darkness in order for us to realize just how much we need the sun.

I needed the Son, badly. Though I thought I had it all together and would be able to just "push through," God had to reveal to me how wrong I was. And on top of that, he dug even deeper and taught me a much-needed lesson about something I don't like to talk much about.

It's about crying. 

You see, I hate to cry. Even if I'm by myself, crying is still a very painful thing for me. I have to kind of wrench the sobs out of me... otherwise I'm too good at automatically suppressing and subduing them. And then trying to cry in front of others is like grabbing my own arm and twisting it... I just simply can't.

But God taught me a powerful lesson about that. It's okay to cry. Sometimes you just have to let yourself be vulnerable... because that's the only way you're going to be real. And I want so desperately to be real.

During those couple of days, the tears would just come as I was talking to my friends or family or adviser about the situation... and though at first I fought them, I realized that they were there for good. For cleansing. They were a part of what I was going through just as much as anything else, and I needed to just let myself cry.

Though I would never again want to experience the anxiety and chaos that those days brought, I can see clearer now. God reminded me that I have tears I need to shed... and that He is the one who wipes every one of them away.

And only when my eyes and heart and mind have been washed by the Son can I truly begin to see.

Just... stop

I've been feeling overwhelmed with stuff to do recently. Somehow, though college was on the horizon, I didn't realize how fast it was approaching! It's like one of those things you stare at waiting for it to arrive, and then as soon as you take your attention off of it, it's upon you!

I've been juggling school shopping, backpacks, closet cleaning, class schedules, dorm rooms, medical forms, professors, meal plans, and everything in between. Not to mention planning for my birthday, the recording of my CD, getting quality time with my friends & family before college, and vacation plans. It reminds me of a poem I wrote awhile back in my senior year:

Fast Lane

I've spent all my life 

On the side of the freeway

Wondering what it'd be like 

To drive in the fast lane.

But now that I'm there,

I realize the grass isn't greener.

In fact, there is no grass.

And even if there were,

I'm going too fast to see it.

copyright Melody 2009

Yep, that just about sums up my feelings right now. And yet I know it shouldn't be that way! 

I need to stop. Stop and think, and reflect on how great my God is. He's really been doing awesome things lately, if only I will stop and realize it. 

For one thing, He matched me up with a roommate who has more in common with me than I ever could have asked for! I've been really anxious about my roommate, wondering what she'll be like and if we'll like each other and be able to get along. Well, my God sure showed me! When I talked with her on the phone yesterday, we found out that we're both homeschooled (or were, rather), we're both rather introverted, and we're both music majors! I felt so amazed and blessed that God orchestrated that for me. He cares about even the details I think are too impossible to ask Him for.  :)

And another thing: My friend Violet was going through a rough time with money issues for college, and really wondering if she would be able to go. My parents and I prayed with her about it, and the next morning, she called me up and told me that God had answered our prayer! Some people who owed her money were going to pay her so she would have enough for her first payment! Praise the Lord!

If only I stop and look around me - I realize just how good my God is. Whenever I feel discouraged or burned out, I need only to turn to Him. His love is what brings a smile to my face, what fills my heart with joy and peace and hope. And I know He's waiting with blessings in His arms.