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credit to Kimberly Reitsma

Dear friends,

It's been a long, challenging semester. I finally finished about two weeks ago, but I've been feeling the effects of the semester even now. I've wanted to get back into writing in this blog, but I just felt stuck somehow. Even though the full blast of stress and deadlines and responsibilities isn't upon me anymore, they still taint my thoughts and actions. Like food coloring in a clear glass of water, some of the stresses and coping mechanisms have sunk deep within me. I'm finding it hard to bring them back to the surface so I can let them go. It's too easy to simply pour another layer of water over the top so everything looks glassy smooth on the surface. But sooner or later the food coloring will be clearly evident no matter what part of the glass you look at. And I think that's about where I am right now.

I've got a lot of emotions, thoughts, relationships, and questions to sort through. I'm also struggling a bit because I'm not sure I have my own voice on this blog - too often I will imitate the blogs of those I admire, but then feel foolish because that isn't really the authentic me. I'm not totally sure how I'm supposed to write - I only know that I must.

There's so many things I want to share with you - ways I've grown, been stretched, strengthened, encouraged, challenges I've faced - and I can't wait to see how this summer unfolds.  So I hope you will come and visit awhile, listen to my heart and the ways God grows me, and hopefully be strengthened and encouraged to live your own vivid life. I would also like this blog to be more of a community - where I share my struggles and you share your struggles and we can lift each other up to the Lord and be mutually encouraged.

Will you join me?

You Know You're A Music Major #2

I was looking back in my old posts, and I saw this post that I wrote my freshman year of college. I thought it only fitting that I should add to it, since I have now completed another year and have more music major-ness seeped into me. ;) So without further ado, here are more evidences of my music major craziness.

You know you're a CU music major if...

...The practice room/music lounge is your second home

...You've slept, studied, skyped, cried, or prayed under a piano in a practice room.

...You know solfege is a way to sing, not a food.

...You're in multiple music ensembles... because you want to be.

...Singing in class is perfectly normal.

...One of the best days of your life is when you've finished your last aural skills test.

...You see the same people every day in class, the practice room, and everywhere else.

...You know the form of torture called "Death by MacGamut"

...Tour guides talking about the practice rooms are always a source of amusement.

...you know everyone in your department by instrument over name.

...Is there life outside of the music building?

Down the Piano-Teaching Path

Ever since I started playing the piano at age seven, I knew I wanted to do something with my life involving music. Eventually, after being thrust into the teaching world by a few well-meaning moms who wanted me to teach piano to their children, I decided that I might like to teach piano. So I advertised and soon built up a small studio of piano students.
I had no prior teaching experience other than helping my brothers with their homework, so I learned much by trial and error. Oftentimes I simply made up things as the lesson went along. I wanted to teach well, but I just didn’t know enough. As time went on I gained more and more experience, but I still felt like I was short-changing the kids I was teaching. I needed real training to be the best piano teacher that I could be. 

Enter Cedarville University, a small Christian college with a major that fit my calling. The major is called Keyboard Pedagogy, and it is designed specifically for students who want to go on to teach piano from their home or studio. Cedarville is actually the only Christian college within a reasonable drive of my home to offer this degree, and so I was overjoyed when everything lined up for me to be able to go there.

I have now just finished my sophomore year at Cedarville University, and already it has made an incredible impact on my life. I’ve learned more than I thought there was to learn about music and teaching, and I still have two more years to go! I also have already had the opportunity to teach piano students at the school, which has helped me apply my knowledge to a real-life setting. Next year I will be observed and critiqued while I teach, which I know will challenge me to get out of the teaching ruts I’m in and become a better, more creative teacher. This teacher observation is a valuable aspect of the pedagogy degree, and one many schools do not offer.

But probably the most impacting part of my degree and the college itself is the people. I have seen the value of getting to know a person so you can encourage them, speak truth to them, and build into their life. If I had not gone to Cedarville, I don’t think I would have experienced this, and in turn, learned how to do this for others.

I know that because of the strict training I am receiving at Cedarville I will be able to be a successful piano teacher anywhere, but I also know that because of the people who have poured their lives into me, I will be able to pour my life into the students that I teach. And to me, shaping a life is just as important, if not more important, than teaching the skill of playing the piano.

Just Breathe

Hello, bloggers!

Yeah, you've probably forgotten about me, haven't you? I'm the girl who tries to juggle 2 blogs, 17 college credits, 20 hours of practicing a week, sleep, and a social life. I'm pretty good at multitasking, but not that good. My social life, sleep, and blogs have kind of dropped by the wayside (and practicing too, but don't tell my teachers that!). I'm barely staying on top of homework right now, not to mention studying for tests that almost all of my teachers decided to give before next Thursday (which is our fall break).

And then to try to put God in the mix...

Yeah, I haven't been doing so well with that either.

I know I can't do everything (though sometimes I find myself acting like I can!). But even in the midst of this crazy busyness, where life seems non-stop, God asks me to stop for a moment and be with Him. To get in His word and soak in His peace and joy and satisfaction.

via pinterest

I once heard a speaker in our chapel talk about how God's word is like a breath of air. Have you ever been outside in the fall and breathed in deeply just as a gust of cool air whoooshes into your face? God's word is just like that. It is the freshest, most deeply satisfying breath of air.

So, dear friends, if you are stressed, burned out, overloaded, working non-stop, I would encourage you to take a moment to breathe. Breathe in the energizing air of God's word daily so you can be renewed in your mind, your heart, and your strength.

You can do it. Just breathe.

Oh the things professors say...

Today I did another spring cleaning of sorts by going through all my notes from my classes last year. While it was nice to review the material, the things that most caught my eye were the little notes I had scribbled in the margins.

I'm a quote collector of sorts, and as soon as someone says something either hilarious or profound (or both!) I'm ready with a pen and piece of paper (or a napkin or my arm if none is available). Many times during class the teacher would say something witty, and while still scrambling to write his last statement, I found a few extra seconds to put it down. The quotes always made me laugh later - and so I thought I would share a few.
Enjoy!

"Don't just use the pianissimo on the shelf at Walmart - invent your own!"

"Practice like you don't have any talent at all."

"This piece is like the march of the crazy, undead clowns." (extra points for you if you can guess what piano piece this is!)

"I will now give you a lecture in duple meter."

"Let's go on to something excruciatingly exciting!"

"Closeness only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades."

"Tritones are the windup spring of the happy meal of music." (I'm still trying to figure this one out.)

"It's like a hand grenade of intellectual kaboom!" (Speaking of something particularly profound or piercing he had just said)

"Don't blow people up. That's the lesson for tonight."

"I eat chords the way guys in Lawlor eat pizza."

"I'm making you get a crush on chord progressions." 

"I forgot the first chord of The Rite of Spring! May I live in everlasting shame!"

(later)

"Oh, there it is. Good - I was about to shoot myself and get fired." (in that order.)

"It's advisable to have your words actually mean something."

Capacity to love

 How is it that as more and more people come in to my life, my heart never runs out of the capacity to love?

I'm both sorrowful and joyful tonight. It's my last night at Cedarville until August. Tomorrow I'm going home for the summer. I'm going to miss this place and these people I've grown so close to. (And I'm definitely going to miss those gorgeous grand pianos in the practice rooms!) But at the same time, I am so excited about going home and being surrounded by my family, friends and the comforts I've missed at college.

A year ago, I would never have imagined the way my heart feels right now. I could only fathom having one home, one place to go back to surrounded by people I love. But now, somehow I have room in my heart for two!

And I can't wait to see how God will enlarge my heart even more as this year goes on. 

Beginning to See

"Now that I'm through, I can begin to see more clearly."

I wrote that sentence in my journal just a few nights ago, in relation to a really stressful situation that happened the end of this past week. I had taken a test in order to try to test out of one of my classes, and it ended up that I was going to have to pay a ridiculously high fee just in order to test out. Also, I had added a physical education class to my load... and ended up realizing that it was just too much.

All in all - it was a really emotional, draining time for me. There were so many different questions and anxiety and emotions swirling in my head that it felt like I was in a grey mist. On top of all that, I was mentally and physically worn out from the long days with back-to-back classes & accompanying (Wednesday was 9 hours straight with only 1/2 hour break for lunch). I was exhausted... and I couldn't see an end anytime soon.

Well God knows that the best way to get us to see clearly sometimes is to put roadblocks in our way. Oftentimes, we don't even realize that we're not viewing life with God's eyes... so He has to cover our world with darkness in order for us to realize just how much we need the sun.

I needed the Son, badly. Though I thought I had it all together and would be able to just "push through," God had to reveal to me how wrong I was. And on top of that, he dug even deeper and taught me a much-needed lesson about something I don't like to talk much about.

It's about crying. 

You see, I hate to cry. Even if I'm by myself, crying is still a very painful thing for me. I have to kind of wrench the sobs out of me... otherwise I'm too good at automatically suppressing and subduing them. And then trying to cry in front of others is like grabbing my own arm and twisting it... I just simply can't.

But God taught me a powerful lesson about that. It's okay to cry. Sometimes you just have to let yourself be vulnerable... because that's the only way you're going to be real. And I want so desperately to be real.

During those couple of days, the tears would just come as I was talking to my friends or family or adviser about the situation... and though at first I fought them, I realized that they were there for good. For cleansing. They were a part of what I was going through just as much as anything else, and I needed to just let myself cry.

Though I would never again want to experience the anxiety and chaos that those days brought, I can see clearer now. God reminded me that I have tears I need to shed... and that He is the one who wipes every one of them away.

And only when my eyes and heart and mind have been washed by the Son can I truly begin to see.

Stretching

The beginning of a new year, and the beginning of a new semester is often a good time to reflect, as well as look forward. This last year, with my first semester of college, brought so many changes for me. But through it all I have seen just how good my God is. I've been tumbling in the mad treadmill of life for most of the time, yet He has miraculously kept me right-side-up through it all.

If I could sum up my first semester of college in one word, it would have to be:

Stretching

Quite literally, it has been a stretching time for my muscles and my endurance. My dorm just happens to be the furthest one away from everything, so needless to say, I've been doing a lot of walking and biking. I've had to push myself to the limit, and then even further. There were some days where I just prayed over and over, "God, please give me the strength to do this." And the amazing thing is - He does!

It has also been a stretching time for me regarding my spiritual life. There are so many things I've learned in my classes that have broadened my understanding of God (take this post for example). I'm so amazed how my view of God has burst wide open to the heavens above the clouds!

It's been stretching emotionally as well, as any separation will be. I've had to deal with missing my family and friends, trying to make new friends (and discern whether people are genuine or not) as well as relating to a vast variety of people. Thankfully God has spared me from experiencing too much homesickness, and He has provided me with some sweet girls who I can see are genuine and really do care.

I've also been stretched in the area of my piano playing, which is something I'm very glad of (after all, that's what I came to college for, right?). ;) However, it does take a lot of humility to hear that the way you've been playing piano all your life is incorrect, and then have to re-train your hands in the right technique. Having to basically "start over" on the songs I had been learning in order to play them with the correct technique was hard. But by the grace of God, I now have much better form, and can practice for many hours at a time without my hands hurting or even feeling very tired. I still have a long way to go, but what I have learned makes me feel so fulfilled and excited to teach it to my future students!

Overall, God has been so good to me. Even when I feel like I'm stretched to my limit, He's right there with me. And I'm reminded of how Christ was stretched out on the cross, suffering for my sins so that I might be able to stretch and grow in Him. I'm so thankful for this growing time at college He has blessed me with. I'm so excited to see how He will continue to bless, mold, and uphold me through the next semester... and the rest of my life.





How has God been stretching you recently?

You Know You're a Music Major if...

In my escapades as a music major, I've come across a number of funny situations that seem to be typical of music majors (at least here at Cedarville). Most of them are quite funny - so I thought I would give you a sampling. ;)

You know you're a music major

...If you compare Beethoven to cheesecake (and Chopin to chocolate!).


...If, in a fire drill, the first thing you grab is your music books and your metronome... not your coat or some other more "useful" thing.

...When you hear people talking about "the cadential six-four", and you know what they're talking about.

...If you dread facing "Pat the Perturbed Primate" and his evil laugh when you are late to theory.

...When you find that you can't listen to Classical music while studying (or doing anything) - it's too distracting! 

...If you listen for the chord progression in songs and predict what the next chord will be.

...If the only song that can consistently get stuck in your head is the polka-dot song  - and people look at you oddly as you sing numbers under your breath. (This one is for you aural skills people!)

...If you would be willing to walk through a blizzard to get to a recital, but not to dinner.

...If most of your day is spent either in a practice room or the music lounge.

Yep, that's us music majors! :)

You probably need a schedule at college...

my abundant apologies for my lack of posts recently. All of my free time (what little I have of it) has been going towards the making of my CD. Hopefully I will be able to post a little more regularly once that is done!

Here is another turn of the kaleidoscope of college. This time, the dreaded SCHEDULE.

Yep, as I quickly discovered, you must have a schedule when trying to manage all that goes into a college kid's insane day. Thankfully, God has helped me to create one and be disciplined in maintaining it (for the most part).

A typical college day would go something like this:
Wake up at 6-6:30 each morning.
Try to get to breakfast every morning. Some mornings I have them in the dorm because I really want to sleep in or I need to eat up something in my room that might go bad.
Do classes, and fit meals, practicing, and homework around them (in that order).
Practice at least two hours a day (sometimes I can do more).
Get back to the dorm usually after dinner (this varies alot, though).
Do homework/fun stuff until 11-12, when I go to bed.

I'm taking 16 credits this semester, which is slightly on the heavy side of things. My classes are:
Music Theory,
Aural Skills,
Music Philosophy and Aesthetics (a very interesting class!)
Intro to Humanities (another interesting class)
Spiritual Formation
and Choir.

I'm actually not in class a whole lot - about 2-3 hours each day (except for Monday, which is insane - 5 hours). Most of my time actually goes towards doing homework and practicing in rooms like this:

Also, walking to and from my dorm takes up a lot of my time, because it's the furthest one away from everything (and technically could be called "off campus"). It takes me about 5-10 minutes to get to the DMC, which is the building that has the music department (and where I basically live).
This is what I see practically every morning walking to breakfast. The beauty makes up for the cold. ;)

Yes, so that's what my schedule, classes, and days are usually like! Busy, packed, stressful at times, and yet so rewarding. As long as I stay disciplined, I am blessed. And I thank God for every day of it!

Unfortunately, I may disappear again for a little bit, but I have a blog hop-ish thing in the works for when I return!

A Small Part of the Kaleidoscope

College is like a huge kaleidoscope - so many different colors, shades, textures, shapes, and the like. So I figured it would be best to answer your questions in a few posts, so you get a few manageable glimpses. (I only wish it could be like that for me!) ;)

First off, the basics. I'm going to Cedarville University (typically referred to as being "in the middle of a cornfield"). Cedarville is a Christian university, and as such, challenges me in my walk with Christ every day. I am so glad I am going to a Christian college instead of a secular one, because the atmosphere here is just so amazing. The people I am surrounded with are all living examples of being on a journey towards Christlikeness. Of course no one is perfect, but I appreciate all the kindnesses: of guys opening the doors for you, random deep theological discussions over lunch, and professors who pray for you and desire you to draw closer to Christ. Everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by something inspiring.

I'm studying music - my degree is in Piano Pedagogy, which basically means I'm studying to be a piano teacher. I love all aspects of music (and hope to be taking a composition class soon!) but I think this degree is the most valuable for me, as I will have a ready-made job all set for me, and also hopefully be able to be a wife and mother like I desire. 

I'm living on campus (almost all of the students do, actually). The dorms are actually pretty decent - they feel small, but I think that has something to do with the fact that we un-bunked our beds. ;) My roommate and I are very compatible - both of us rather quiet and studious. We're also both music majors, which is very cool because we can "talk music" together.

One of the questions asked about how I've been able to transition from being homeschooled to college. Actually, it hasn't been that difficult. Being homeschooled gave me the advantage of being disciplined with my time. (I know just because you're homeschooled doesn't mean you're disciplined, but for the most part I was, which helped.) I think the hardest thing to transition was the constant "on the go" every day. On average, I'm away from the dorm 8am to 4pm each day, which was quite an adjustment for this homebody. ;) But now that I'm getting used to the schedule, it is beginning to feel comfortable (though I still like home best).

Another question was on looking for colleges in high school. Honestly, I didn't really start looking at colleges until I received the legendary piles of mail from colleges after taking the ACT test (I believe that was in my junior year). I evaluated colleges by a few criterion: What were their beliefs? Were they close enough to home? Were they small enough for my liking? Did they have a good music school? Did they have a pedagogy program? (Surprisingly, most colleges don't.) These were just the things I decided I wanted most in a college...  you'll have to come up with your own criteria yourself.

Of course, I also prayed extensively about this. I believe I can honestly say God wants me here at Cedarville. And I am so glad He has placed me here - a place where I can grow, learn, and broaden my understanding of Him and everything He has created.

No matter how crazy the kaleidoscope turns, or how jumbled the pieces of life seem, I am thankful that I can see Him shining through it all.

In my next post, I'll answer your questions that are more along the lines of school and routine. 'Till then, friends! :) 

Don't Think I've Left

...because I haven't!

Yes, I know I've been quite sporadic in my posts (though my awesome guest bloggers certainly made up for it!), and rather distant in my replies & upkeep recently. I'm finally starting to get into a routine here at college, and so for now at least, the phase of guest bloggers and absent Melody is ended. :)

Hopefully I will get a post up soon about how college is treating me and some of the amazing things I've been learning. For now I will just say - God is so good to me through it all! As long as I stay disciplined and focused on Him, He leads my path and guards my way so clearly it's amazing.

I do want to ask you - what questions do you have for me regarding college life? It can be about anything: how the food is, when I get to bed (well.... maybe we'll skip that question), what piano pieces I'm learning... anything you're curious about!

I also want to ask you - how do you all like the new comment system? I really want to know your honest answers, since obviously y'all are the ones using it (or you should be... hint hint). ;) Is it awkward... not as nice... better... or what? Why I originally decided to switch was because I wanted to have a way for people who aren't on blogger to comment. But I'm not so sure if it's worth the switch. So please let me know what you all think!

Also, my blogoversary is in 3 days! I'm really surprised it has come up so quickly - and that my blog has come so far in such a short amount of time! I'm still cooking up what to do for that, so stay tuned. :)

I love you all bunches and am so glad you read my blog. May you all have a blessed day, and be filled to all fullness with Christ.

Just Do It

The play is entitled "Just Do It" (not endorsed or affiliated in any way with Nike)

The scene opens on a college campus - looking like this:

Enter me: Melody, a shy person by nature. I like to remain quiet and be the one in the background watching people. In recent years I've gotten better with being outgoing, but it still isn't my natural inclination.

Enter college, a daunting, life changing experience.

Let's see how Me and College will interact. Well... for the first couple of days I don't believe we liked each other. We tolerated each other mostly, me feeling sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and yet excited. College feeling... well I can't be totally sure on that one. ;)

But after the first couple of days, my relationship with college began to change me. Or rather - God began to change a lot of things in me because of college. One big thing is in this area of shyness.

I've come up with a new motto for college life. Unfortunately, it's already copyrighted, but I can still use it for personal use, right?

Just do it.

When I know I should introduce myself to someone... just do it.
When I'm walking to classes, head down, and I know I should be smiling and saying hi to people... just do it.
When I'm not sure about classes but don't want to raise my hand and ask... just do it.
When I have to go eat by myself... just do it, and know that the Lord will provide.
When I'm scared I'll look stupid or like I don't know what I'm doing in front of others... just do it, and remember God's opinion is the only one that matters.

I've found that when I just do these things, God always follows through and provides in a new way for me. It has caused me to trust and praise Him so much more than I would have had I not stepped out of my comfort zone.

And guess what? College isn't the huge, scary thing I thought it was! I'm beginning to feel at ease, and perhaps even at home. I love all of the classes I'm taking (seriously - I look forward to each one!), and the professors are amazing (funny, engaging, serious about God's word and how it relates to music). I've met a number of nice girls and guys so far (though no awesome friendships yet - but I know those don't happen overnight).

This is only Act One of the play entitled Just Do It. I would appreciate your prayers as Act Two unfolds before my eyes.

Tune in next time to hear more about...

Piano Pedagogy (my major... and other music-related things)

Peace

I've got too many feelings mixed up in my mind. I'm excited, nervous, overwhelmed, numb, responsible, sad, hopeful, teary-eyed, peaceful, joyful, and scared all at once.

But you know what's the most prevalant and powerful feeling? Peace.

I'm leaving for Cedarville tomorrow - yet through all the packing, all the last-minute preparation and worry, I have this overwhelming sense of peace.

Confidence.

This week I said goodbye to two of my closest friends and sisters in the Lord. Yet even though we were sad at the pain of separation, we know that God does have His hands on our lives. And He's got an even greater and more blessed plan for each of us than we can even imagine!

I know the road ahead is going to be tough, challenging, rocky, and overwhelming at times. But I also know it will be exciting, joyful, fulfilling, and blessed beyond belief. For who is my guide, but the Lord Almighty?

"God's got His hand on you so
Don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here."
~Sidewalk Prophets The Words I Would Say

College > Blogging

Remember this little guy from grade school:  >

In my math we called him the "Greater-than Gater," who always faces towards the number or group that's the highest.

Well, I have been thinking and praying long and hard about this, and I've realized that I can't equate college and blogging, I can't add or multiply or subtract them. But obviously one of them should take precidence over the other. That one is college.

So this is what I've decided. For at least the first semester of college, I am going to be doing a little less on my blog. Don't worry - I'm not abandoning you or deleting this blog or anything (heaven forbid!), just trying to budget my time wisely. I want to focus on my studies and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus as I begin this new phase of life.

I will post one or two times a week (as my schedule allows) to update you all, but I won't be writing the deeper posts I typically do. Thankfully, I have a number of lovely ladies who've agreed to guest post for me these next couple of weeks to "fill in" for those posts. So you will be seeing a mixture of updates from me, and deeper posts from them. (The ones I've received already are amazing, so be prepared to be encouraged, strengthened, and perhaps even cry.)

I love you guys and really appreciate all of the prayers and encouragement you've already given to me about college. This week is going to be the hardest, as I will be leaving on Friday and still have quite a bit to pack and a number of friends to say goodbye to... so I covet your continued prayers.
Thank-you all so very much!

Something I've Been Neglecting

Remember this? An Inspired Young Woman's Daybook?
I just checked, and the last time I did it was in May. Somehow summer slipped by without me remembering about my daybook! But I have decided to start it up again, possibly every other week on Saturday or Sunday. :)

But before I begin, I would like to direct your attention to two things:

1. I wrote another guest post today for Elizabeth Rose at Living on Literary Lane. It's called, When You Need a Little Humbling... I would love if you went over there and read it. :)

2. I have a friend in real life who started a blog not too long ago called My Musings and Other Profound (or not) Thoughts. She would be greatly encouraged if y'all went over there and checked her blog out!

Okay, now on to the daybook:

Find out how to do An Inspired Young Woman's Daybook here

Today the number one question I was asked by people at church was: "Are you all packed yet for college?" :P
I'm feeling contemplative from playing piano, and also a little stressed out from too much multitasking.
My outfit is a turquoise tee and light-colored shorts.
Outside my window it's overcast and dreary... the type of day where mosquitoes are having a party and everyone else wants to stay inside. ;)
A song that's stuck in my head is "Shine on Us" by Michael W. Smith, which I played an arrangement of for the offertory at church.
Something (a book, song, movie, person...) that's inspired me recently: the amazing, humbling love of my family and friends as I'm preparing for college.
A prayer of my heart this week is to trust in God for everything - knowing He has my life in His hands.
I am creating a CD of my compositions, which I'm trying to complete in the next couple of weeks before I go to college. (AAHHH!!)
I am reading Passion & Purity (yes, still), Start Here (almost finished), and I'm hopefully gonna start one of the many fiction books that have been on my shelves just waiting for me to read them!
I am thinking about all the different things I'm multitasking on at the moment - mainly just how I can use the rest of my day most productively.
A scripture verse or passage that's stuck out to me this week: 1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him [Christ], you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
A spiritual lesson I'm learning is to trust God with ALL aspects of my life. Each new worry, new fear about college I'm having to lift up to God
An attribute of God I've seen this week is Father. He loves me like a child, and cares very much about all the details of my life that could easily seem insignificant. And unlike my earthly father, who cannot be with me everywhere I go, my God will be with me, even at college.
A picture I’d like to share: This is the picture I'm thinking of going with for the cover of my CD. What do you all think?

A creative goal for next week well... there are a few compositions I have left to work on and get totally complete. A couple of which I have to work out with the violinist. So my creative goal would be to get all my songs for the CD finalized and ready to record!
Did I complete my goal from last week hehe well... it's been a few months. ;) 


I hope you all are having a great Sunday! :D

Just... stop

I've been feeling overwhelmed with stuff to do recently. Somehow, though college was on the horizon, I didn't realize how fast it was approaching! It's like one of those things you stare at waiting for it to arrive, and then as soon as you take your attention off of it, it's upon you!

I've been juggling school shopping, backpacks, closet cleaning, class schedules, dorm rooms, medical forms, professors, meal plans, and everything in between. Not to mention planning for my birthday, the recording of my CD, getting quality time with my friends & family before college, and vacation plans. It reminds me of a poem I wrote awhile back in my senior year:

Fast Lane

I've spent all my life 

On the side of the freeway

Wondering what it'd be like 

To drive in the fast lane.

But now that I'm there,

I realize the grass isn't greener.

In fact, there is no grass.

And even if there were,

I'm going too fast to see it.

copyright Melody 2009

Yep, that just about sums up my feelings right now. And yet I know it shouldn't be that way! 

I need to stop. Stop and think, and reflect on how great my God is. He's really been doing awesome things lately, if only I will stop and realize it. 

For one thing, He matched me up with a roommate who has more in common with me than I ever could have asked for! I've been really anxious about my roommate, wondering what she'll be like and if we'll like each other and be able to get along. Well, my God sure showed me! When I talked with her on the phone yesterday, we found out that we're both homeschooled (or were, rather), we're both rather introverted, and we're both music majors! I felt so amazed and blessed that God orchestrated that for me. He cares about even the details I think are too impossible to ask Him for.  :)

And another thing: My friend Violet was going through a rough time with money issues for college, and really wondering if she would be able to go. My parents and I prayed with her about it, and the next morning, she called me up and told me that God had answered our prayer! Some people who owed her money were going to pay her so she would have enough for her first payment! Praise the Lord!

If only I stop and look around me - I realize just how good my God is. Whenever I feel discouraged or burned out, I need only to turn to Him. His love is what brings a smile to my face, what fills my heart with joy and peace and hope. And I know He's waiting with blessings in His arms. 

If We Win, We Praise Him

...and if we lose, we praise Him.

This was what was going though my mind almost the whole day today. As I studied all my vocabulary words for the Spanish CLEP that last time before the test, I just kept thinking of this quote. I knew the test was going to be hard, and I also knew that whatever the outcome, it was God's will. I prayed: Lord, if I pass this test, I'll give You the glory, and if I don't pass this test, I will still praise You.

Well, I didn't pass.

And still my hands and my voice are lifted in praise. My God is sovereign, and He knew the outcome of this test even before I ever planned to take it. He has a purpose in this, as he does in everything. And even though it may hurt my pride for me not to be able to say "I did it!", I know He is growing me through this.

And, as one friend said, "Well, who knows? Perhaps you'll meet your future husband in Spanish class at Cedarville!"

God is so good

Remember singing that song in Sunday School "God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me."? Well I want to shout it off the rooftops right now! I'm just overflowing with happiness!

Okay, so the reason for all this exuberant joy is that I passed my audition at Cedarville!!!!!!! Here's the story:

We drove down to Ohio last night so I would get a good night's sleep (it's about a 4 hour drive), and then had a day at Cedarville doing different things like theory testing, aural skills, meeting the professors & music faculty and stuff like that. My audition wasn't until 2:00, so I had a long time to wait and get nervous. But the professors tried to make me feel at home. One of the piano professors, Dr. C, let me use his office to practice in. There are 19 practice rooms, but he has two Steinway grands in his office! So that was really nice. For those of you who don't play piano or know much about it, playing on a grand (any grand) is much different from playing on an upright. And to the listener, the sound a grand piano makes is so much more beautiful!

Anyways, I practiced in his room for a while and got used to the feel of the grand. It was really good that I was able to practice, because I hadn't been able to practice much the two days beforehand. I had actually been pretty overwhelmed and stressed out, because I was having to teach students, pack and prepare for the audition, and also my teacher had given me many things to work on for my songs (which there was no way I could integrate in the short amount of time I had). But my parents helped me calm down and re-focus. They reminded me that I'm not playing for my teacher, or even for the professors. I'm playing for an Audience of One.

So when the time finally came for my audition at two, God granted me peace. I was able to relax and actually enjoy the pieces (instead of dreading the hard parts). I still messed up, but somehow it wasn't as important anymore. What was important instead was that I was playing for God. 

The two professors told me they were very impressed, and they also told me some things I'd need to work on. They really encouraged me to come to Cedarville (obviously), and told me how it would all work if I did decide to go there. It was really neat to be able to get the answers to a lot of my questions, and just talk with the professors. I could see it all fitting into place, and I just knew that God was opening the door. There was no question.

Isn't my God so good?

~Melody

"And I lay my head back down"

I've been thinking about the song "Only Hope" recently. Especially the chorus where the words are:
"And I lay my head back down,
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours I pray
To be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope."

I've been pondering over how I must "lay my head back down" before I can really be submitted to Him (being "only Yours"). It's so hard for me to let go of my plans for my future, and just trust Him. Can I truly say I'm laying my head down in perfect peace and rest?

I know that hasn't been the case recently. I've really been struggling with my future - namely, whether or not to go to Cedarville University next year. Part of me wants to go, and part of me dreads it & wants to stay here. And for me, it's not just an issue of living in a new place with new people and classes (though that's pretty scary in itself!). I also have to deal with the health & food issues. Our family makes a special effort to eat healthy, and so I don't know if I could eat college food everyday and still be okay. And I don't know if that would be such a good thing to sacrifice just for an education.

I'm really praying and thinking a lot about this. I'm praying that if God wants me to stay here, that He'd open the doors for all these things I'd be missing if I didn't go to Cedarville. I'm trying to let go and let God show me the answer, instead of worrying myself to death over it. But it's so hard! I keep swaying back and forth.

If you think of it, please pray for me. And I would love to hear of any struggles or difficulties in decisions about your future that you are facing, so I can pray for you too. I believe reciprocal prayer is one of the most rewarding.

~Melody