Fear

This very question strikes fear into my heart.

I've been realizing that fear is a huge struggle for me. So often I don't do something or I'll act in a certain way or cover up who I really am because I am chained down by fear. I never saw it that way before - I thought of it as being a homebody, or a shy person, or just struggling with a bit of insecurity. But it's a lot more than that. All those situations, those reactions, are motivated by fear.

I have let myself be motivated by fear.

But I don't want fear to be my default, the "safe" way to react to life. I don't want it to control me, to chain me down to a little life that never gets beyond the trails I've carved for myself. I've chiseled neat, symmetrical, tidy little grooves for myself in my day-to-day routine, and once I am faced with something outside of those safe little trails, fear kicks in. And I let it take over.

Yet God is tugging at the chains, reminding me that He has already broken them if I but let them go. Oh man is it hard to let them go! I actually get a physical reaction when I bend my will toward doing something that I fear. Emotions of vulnerability and incapability and terror flood my mind and overwhelm my senses, making me feel helpless and consumed by worry.

But I don't have to live this way. I don't have to let fear control me. Granted, I don't think I can actually get rid of everything that I fear. I will always have new things to face that are scary or worrisome or out of my comfort zone. But By God's grace I can confront my fears head on, giving myself space to say "yes, this is something I fear," and then moving through and doing it anyway.

You don't have to let fear control how you act or react. When faced with something you fear, you can choose to give in to fear or you can choose to have faith and pray for the strength to do what God would have you do.

The Bible is full of instances where God enabled people to conquer their fears. Just look at Abraham who feared to sacrifice his son, Moses who feared to speak, Joshua who feared to lead, Mary who feared to bear the Son of God, and so many more. God strengthened each of them with His courage and endurance to throw off the chains of fear and live lives of faith.

How much more will he do the same for us?

New Design

Well, I did it! I finally completed re-designing my blog! I'm no designer, but through trial and error (and a lot of frustration and tutorial-searching and perseverance) I managed to come up with something I really like. When I think of the word Vividry I've always had a picture of colorful sheets blowing in the sun. And I think I was finally able to capture that idea with this design. I also like that it's simple. I enjoy girly, swirly, elegant things, but I was ready for a change. What do you all think?

Along with the new design, I have a couple of new things on the blog I'd like to highlight for you:

First, on the left side of this post, you'll see a navbar. You can click on any of the buttons and they'll drop down. The first one, "About Me" is pretty obvious. Under that is "Subscribe," where I put both the button for subscribing in a reader and a place to subscribe through your email. You should go check it out right now. *hint hint* ;)

Then we have "Connect," where I have put these cute buttons for all the different ways you can connect with me.

This is the email button. Click on it and you can send me an email. I love getting notes, especially if they are encouraging or if you have ideas for things you'd like to see on this blog.

This is the bloglovin' button. You may not have heard of bloglovin' before - I certainly hadn't before this week! Since Google Reader is eventually going to be gone, bloglovin' is a great replacement for it. Through this platform you can follow my blog (and all your other favorite blogs!), and easily see all recent posts on your main page.

 This is the facebook button that goes to my blog's facebook page. I try to post more than just my blog posts on here, so check it out!

 And last but not least, my pinterest button. I think I may have a slight addiction to pinterest - I simply love collecting things of beauty. Come follow me!


The last button is "My Website," which will be coming soon! I'm working on designing a website for my piano teaching/accompanying/wedding music business.

Also, you may notice that I have a new signature. As I've become older and had other places where my name and information is out on the internet, I've decided to consolidate them so things don't become too confusing. Thus, I am no longer Melody, though I am still as musical as ever. You may now call me Rachel. :)

I hope you enjoy the newness on the blog as much as I do! I am also planning a lot of new things for this blog, such as a series on a book called "It's Not That Complicated," more photography, story snippets, and another series which is still in the works called "Vague-Vital-Vivid." I can't wait to get started!

Return

credit to Kimberly Reitsma

Dear friends,

It's been a long, challenging semester. I finally finished about two weeks ago, but I've been feeling the effects of the semester even now. I've wanted to get back into writing in this blog, but I just felt stuck somehow. Even though the full blast of stress and deadlines and responsibilities isn't upon me anymore, they still taint my thoughts and actions. Like food coloring in a clear glass of water, some of the stresses and coping mechanisms have sunk deep within me. I'm finding it hard to bring them back to the surface so I can let them go. It's too easy to simply pour another layer of water over the top so everything looks glassy smooth on the surface. But sooner or later the food coloring will be clearly evident no matter what part of the glass you look at. And I think that's about where I am right now.

I've got a lot of emotions, thoughts, relationships, and questions to sort through. I'm also struggling a bit because I'm not sure I have my own voice on this blog - too often I will imitate the blogs of those I admire, but then feel foolish because that isn't really the authentic me. I'm not totally sure how I'm supposed to write - I only know that I must.

There's so many things I want to share with you - ways I've grown, been stretched, strengthened, encouraged, challenges I've faced - and I can't wait to see how this summer unfolds.  So I hope you will come and visit awhile, listen to my heart and the ways God grows me, and hopefully be strengthened and encouraged to live your own vivid life. I would also like this blog to be more of a community - where I share my struggles and you share your struggles and we can lift each other up to the Lord and be mutually encouraged.

Will you join me?

Overflowing

You poor dears, waiting on me so long for another post. This semester has been so good and rich and filled with change in me which I am longing to get into words... but for now, I would like to open the new year with just one word.

Overflowing

This is my word for 2013. 

As I was reading  my Bible this morning, I was praying and asking God how He wanted to shape and sand me this upcoming year. I'm reading through Psalm 119, one section a day, and today my verses were 17-24. The ones that stuck out to me were:

"Do good to your servant, and I will live; I will obey your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. (17-18)

My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times. You rebuke the arrogant, who are cursed and who stray from your commands. (20-21)

Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors." (24)

I am always struck by how much this psalmist desires to love God's word. It's quite an intense longing - he calls God's word his delight, wonderful, his counselor. I know I don't have that - and I want it. I fear I am too much like the arrogant sometimes - loving myself too much to give much heed to His commands. I want to delight and be consumed with longing for God's word and God himself.

I was reminded of a New Testament passage that talked about obeying God's commands, and so I turned to these verses:

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." ~John 15:9-11

Here was the whole picture. To love God's word because I love to obey God. This results in complete and perfect joy. Overflowing.

Overflowing is only the outward result of all this inner connection and interconnection between myself and God through His word. If I want to be described as overflowing, I will have to continually drink from the Source of all that I want to spill out of my life. I can't overflow Melody-ness - that would be a very poor, brackish, disgusting kind of water. Only when I overflow God-ness - His joy, His peace, His love - will my life pour out living water that gives life to all it touches.

And by God's grace, that is exactly what I want to do this year.