Recital

It's been a long time on the horizon, a small speck of light that keeps me pressing forward, practicing daily, struggling through hardships, slogging through discouragement... and now it's here.

My sophomore recital.

Your prayers for my strength and God's glory to shine are greatly appreciated. For ultimately, the goal that makes all of the hard work worth it is that God's glory be revealed in my life.

Risk

When I picked the word Trust as my word for this year, I expected to think about it in relation to a certain set of circumstances. It seems natural to focus on trusting God for my future, trusting that He has everything under control, and trusting Him for strength and words to say each day. (Not to say that I can do these things well at all, but just that I tend to think of trusting God in those ways first.) But God brought to my attention a different aspect of trust I had not thought of before. It involves trusting God with my piano playing.

Now I have had experience trusting God to get me through pain in my piano playing and to give me the strength needed to play and practice the piano well. But recently I was challenged to trust God enough to risk in my piano playing.

I have a recital coming up (this next Friday, actually), and I know the pieces I'm playing for it quite well. Memorized, analyzed, choreographed, practiced... I could probably play these pieces if you woke me from a sound sleep with cold water in the face, set me in front of a piano and told me to play. Granted, the pieces are still difficult, but I've played through them in their difficult-ness so much that I'm used to it.

I had my recital check so my professors could make sure I was ready to play for the recital. It went fine - I played my pieces well even though I was nervous, and my professors said I passed. But one thing they deeply impressed upon me was their desire to see me take a risk. Make an impact. To not hold back and play it safe, but to put my all into my playing.

I'm totally a play it safe kind of person, and not just in the realm of music. I am almost always concerned about doing things "just right:" not too overdone vs mediocre, not too cheesy vs insincere, not too harsh vs indifferent. I think it comes from a basic desire to fit in and be liked and accepted by others. Plus, I've seen too many people risk and fail, or just look incredibly foolish, and I don't want to be like them. I want to succeed - in life, in relationships, in music.

But I'm starting to realize that success does not necessarily come from control. Success comes from giving it all and trusting God for the rest - in piano playing, and also in my life.

Trust

Last year I decided to use one word to help me grow. My word was Satisfied  - to be satisfied in Christ alone.

It helped me, some, though I did not think of it as often as I wished. So when it came time for me to think of a new one this year, I hesitated. I had to be sure of just the right word - the one that would stick with me no matter what and help me through the most difficult times. It had to be able to apply to every area of my life.

One morning as I was praying, it hit me.

Trust.

I need this all the time, even when I think I have it all together. Trust is what makes me courageous, gives me hope, reminds me where I fit, keeps me humble, gives me strength, and helps me be real. I need to trust in God every day of my life for every aspect of my life. This is the word I want to meditate on this year.

I was given a test in this almost immediately after I came up with it. Grace at Grace's Garden Walk (as well as a few others) posted about not letting blogging become a popularity contest and instead just being real in their posts. That really convicted me. I know I've struggled with wanting to be cool and admired and "followed" on the blog world.

But do I trust God enough to be authentic and not worry about the popularity stuff?

I've decided to try - and trust God with the results.

A Beginning

Oh how long it has been.

This little blog has sat silent now for almost two months, cold and dormant with the winter weather.

{via pinterest}

My life has gone on as usual, practicing, studying, eating, sleeping... endless routine with little creativity mixed in. I've had my Christmas break which was a welcome reprieve, but I will be going back to that routine in little less than a week.

In all honesty, I'm scared. Scared that I will succumb once again to skimming through life just so I can get by. Some days skimming was all I could do just to get through the homework I had to do. But that became my rhythm, my routine. I began skimming everything, always looking for the next thing to do instead of the next opportunity to be.

I do not want that to happen again.

So, in this new year, I have decided to go out and hunt inspiration, instead of skimming over it in my never-ending search to finish tasks. I've determined to work my creativity muscle so it will not atrophy. I have resolved to let my thoughts spill onto this blog at least once every week, and not to worry about how structured or on-topic my posts are. Perhaps they won't be the longest or have pictures in them or even make all that much sense. But that is okay. I'm on a search for creativity... and I do not want to quit.

Are you with me?