A Pianist's Frustration

Her hands came crashing down at the piano again, knuckles almost white from the intensity of her playing. Slowly, she beat the endless sixteenth notes into her fingers, the keys, and everything around her. The air pulsated with the rhythm of her frustration.

Mentally, she cursed herself every time her fingers missed a note, a beat, or even a fingering. Why had they mutinied and become such stupid, slow followers?

She dropped her hands off the piano in disgust, feeling them throb as the pressure on them was lifted. Usually this was a more pleasant sensation, reminding her of all she had accomplished, but today it only pained her still more.

She was not making progress. Though she could set the metronome at higher and higher speeds, each time she barreled through her fingers knew less and less notes. She scowled at them as they hung by her side. They couldn't even play it at a slow speed, much less the galloping pace it required. Could she ever get it there?

This was how I felt yesterday. I was practicing a piece full of almost non-stop sixteenth notes, and getting extremely frustrated with my fingers' sudden lack of ability to cooperate with my brain. Playing louder than I probably ever had on that piano, I tried to pound the correct notes into my fingers. But it only made me more and more frustrated.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

For you music types, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I bet you've experienced something like this before, be it clumsy fingers on the piano, running out of breath for the voice or wind instrument, or any other frustration for a musician.

Sometimes, I just wish my piano playing was like a machine that I could always count on to do the job. But it isn't a machine, it's a part of me. And I have to learn to be patient with me.

When I wrote that excerpt at the beginning I didn't have any more than what you see there. At the time, I was too frustrated to bring any kind of resolution to the story. So, dear readers, I put the question to you. How would you finish the story? Would you give resolution (and how?) or would you simply leave it hanging, with the frustration still in the air...?

If you get inspiration for the ending of this, please go ahead and post it! I'd love to see what y'all come up with. And feel free to share your own stories of musical frustration... I know we all have those moments. ;)


Apologies, questions, and... puppies!

My sincere apologies for my lack of posts this month. Ever since I got home on the 5th, I have been crazy busy from sunup to sundown. You would have thought that going home for the summer would mean that I'd have more time for things, but I got right on a schedule and haven't had much time for anything extraneous since!

Apologies aside, I have a few questions for you:

I've been trying to figure out what my goals are for this blog. I currently I have 137 followers, and am about halfway through my second year blogging. I could keep pushing to get more followers (not to say more comments!), but I realized that shouldn't be my goal. Instead, I desire for this blog to be a place of encouragement and edification for Christian girls (and guys, though I'm typically talking to girls). So, my question for you is: Am I achieving this goal for you? Do you feel like this is a place of encouragement and edification? If not, please tell me what I can be doing better. Are there specific kinds of posts you'd like me to write more often? Would you rather me talk less or more about myself?

Please help me make this the best place I can, gals. I desire to do this for you, not for myself, and therefore I would love and greatly appreciate your feedback in this area.

Also, if you could vote on my poll on the sidebar about disqus and other commenting things, I would greatly appreciate that. 

And now, to the last item mentioned in my title:

 We got a puppy! Her name is Pepper, short for Peppermint. :) She is an Australian Shepherd, and pretty much the cutest thing ever. I always considered myself a cat person, but this little ball of playfulness is quickly winning my heart over to the other side. :)


Capacity to love

 How is it that as more and more people come in to my life, my heart never runs out of the capacity to love?

I'm both sorrowful and joyful tonight. It's my last night at Cedarville until August. Tomorrow I'm going home for the summer. I'm going to miss this place and these people I've grown so close to. (And I'm definitely going to miss those gorgeous grand pianos in the practice rooms!) But at the same time, I am so excited about going home and being surrounded by my family, friends and the comforts I've missed at college.

A year ago, I would never have imagined the way my heart feels right now. I could only fathom having one home, one place to go back to surrounded by people I love. But now, somehow I have room in my heart for two!

And I can't wait to see how God will enlarge my heart even more as this year goes on. 

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