Hearing this song always stirs up deep feelings in me. A sense of peace, longing, lightness, and a sadness which is hard to find the reason for. These feelings are so different, yet they mix around inside me to form something completely new which I have no name for.
Usually when this song comes around on my mp3 player, I skip over it because I just don't want to think about all the memories and nostalgia that comes along with it. But tonight I let it continue. When I hear this song, I always am reminded of my friend who introduced the song to me. We were talking about the song, and she was sharing how she hates the feeling of life flying by. She wishes that she could have the attitude like the song says, "Tide and time go washing by... and you don't even care."
I'm sad when I hear this song, because it reminds me of how far away I am from her (locationally). Reminds me of things I feel that are ending; longings I have that I cannot explain.
Separation. Endings. Longing. All these words are painful. But they're a good kind of pain almost. Like the pain you get when you're getting a massage and the massage therapist is working on a particularily sore or stiff muscle. It hurts, but you know that's only because it's making it better.
Separation hurts, but the reason it hurts is because it's making it better. Do I really believe that? Can I truly say "Yes, this hurts, but I also know that it is serving a better purpose in my life?" Can I actually believe that the sadness I may feel is only temporary, and actually serves to highlight God's glory & meaning for my life?
These are the questions I was asking myself as I was writing this blog post. Thankfully, I was interrupted at this point by the strains of my cell phone's ringtone. It was that very same friend.
God has a way of putting things in your path just exactly when you need them, doesn't he? He guided my friend to call me at just that moment when I was asking myself those questions (and feeling like the only answer I could truly say to them was "no"). He nudged me to be real with her, and then gave her just the right words to say to me.
And you know what I find? It's okay to be sad. God meant for us to feel the pain of separation and loneliness and sorrow and heartache and whatever other pain that's in our life. But there's a purpose for it, and that's what I'm holding on to. How could God use our lives to glorify Him if they were all sunshine and roses? Only in the sorrow and sadness do we have real need to hold on to Him. Only then can we realize full dependence on Him.
And only after the night comes the morning - with the sunshine of overwhelming joy and delight.This is what I'm holding on to -- no matter how time and tide go washing by.
Just to let you know, I am writing a post answering all of your interesting questions you asked in my last post, but this was just what was on my heart this evening and I thought I would share.