Growing in the daily grind

The daily grind is the hardest.

I'm back at school, and thus you haven't heard from me in two months. I have actually been doing quite a bit of writing, thanks to my Creative Writing Nonfiction class (which I'm loving). But I have struggled majorly with letting those fears and lies that I listened to before speak to me again.

It's so easy to forget the truth that we have been taught, isn't it? For me at school, my mind has to constantly keep a running tally of places I must be, practice I must do, homework I must complete before a certain time, appointments I must keep, people I must talk to. I hardly have time to think, much less quiet my thoughts and let God speak to me. And when I let that time with God slide, so much else in my life goes downhill with it.

So I'm stopping for a second and reminding myself of the truth.

This is the truth God has pressed upon my heart to combat and overcome the lies and fears:

God's Grace providing and carrying me along is the truth that sets me free from controlling my life and obsessing over what others think of me.

God's Love that has given me a new identity in Him is the truth that sets me free from my fears and the lies I tell myself that I am a burden and unwanted.

So what must I do with these truths God has given me? Every day I must receive them into myself again, preaching God's grace and love to my soul in my current situation. This is the beauty of truth - it always holds firm, even as it applies differently to various life situations.

Whenever I am tempted to speak lies to myself and believe them, I must consciously cling to the truth instead. Constantly bring it back to the forefront of my mind. Let the truth influence everything about me - my inward life (thoughts, emotions, decisions, reactions) as well as outward (speech, interactions, actions, boldness). Resist the temptation to take control, and instead let God take over my life. In every situation, respond to His leading in faith and trust.

What are the truths that God has shown you? How will you continue to listen to them and grow in them?

Glimpses of Grace

Well, I'm still on this journey. Still somewhere on the mountain, with mists of uncertainty and fear swirling around me.

And yet. God is so good to me. I don't even know what to do or how to respond to Him in order to continue this journey - but somehow He keeps moving me forward!

I know I haven't arrived, obviously... the mountain still looms without end. But, He is giving me glimpses of His grace in my life, and each one bowls me over. How could I have missed this for so long?

I am so incredibly thankful that God refused to let me live in comfortable fear and self-sufficiency. He pulled the carpet out from under my proud self so He could make me stand on His Rock. He gently pried off the layers of lies I had coated myself with, and revealed to me the truth: that I am desperately wicked. Even my desires to do good were motivated not by love, but by fear and a craving for approval.

But thankfully, He did not leave me there. He then clothed me in Jesus' righteousness, and covered me in grace, which is the sole provider of every need. He is showing me daily who the "New Rachel" is and what role grace has in her life.

And in fact, I think this process will have to be repeated many times. There are many lies I believe, fears that control me, masks I wear. This is only one of them: the mask of self-sufficiency.

I'm so thankful that God works in me gently, lovingly, not pushing me around or pulling too much off of me at once. Instead, He gently pries loose one mask at a time, filling the space where the mask had been with a rush of love and grace. He deals so tenderly with me! He doesn't let any of my mess push Him away - I can rest in the unshakable promise of His continual presence with me.

And I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to bring it to completion. All I must do is trust.

 

Little Lessons

Little lessons that God is pressing into my heart, like roses with thorns being gently crushed in the flower press of my heart. Though the thorns pierce my pride, the roses in due time release their healing, peaceful scent.

8/1/13

Psalm 139:14 (NASB) "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well." 

What does my soul know very well? What do I tell it day in and day out?

Lies 

   Fear 

      Guilt

What should my soul know very well?

Truth 

   God's love

      Grace

I need to listen to what God says, and preach His words to myself daily. 

8/2/13

8/3/13

I don't really know what trusting God looks like, because I've lived my whole life trying to please Him.

8/4/13

This song: O Great God. This is my prayer.

Oh Lord, help me now to live a life that's dependent on Your grace. 

 

Grace

As promised, here is my first droplet. This is something I have really been struggling with even understanding recently:

Grace

Somehow I've wrapped up grace in a nice little package,

Tucking away my carefully-preserved knowledge

Of “God’s riches at Christ’s expense”

To be reserved only for witnessing emergencies.

My own life is too perfect for grace

I've managed to do just fine

Making up my own goodness

So that I've even fooled myself.

But the very nature of grace is to not sit still - 

It oozes through my self-made restrictions,

Tears down walls that hide my imperfection,

And bruises my pride by insisting on my unworthiness.

When it finally reduces me to a mess of broken sinfulness,

And I realize just how imperfect was my perfection,

Grace extends its hand to me

And reminds me 

of its name.

(c) Rachel Lowrance 2013

Inspired by Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman. A book I would highly recommend.