A CD and a farewell

Well friends, I did it.

I decided to take the plunge and start something new.

I've been wanting to get back into blogging for a long time, but I've just had a mental block about coming back. So much has happened since I last posted on here. And honestly, I feel that Vividry is a chapter that has closed for me.

I started this blog six years ago, as a highschool student, and here I am a college graduate starting down a new road. I love this blog and the people I have come to know through it, but I think it's time to start a new chapter. I'm a pianist, piano teacher, photographer and writer, and I would like a fresh start to re-focus.

 I don't want to say goodbye to all of you, though, so please come over and check my new blog out. It's called becoming. 

I have another exciting bit of news for you all. Remember in 2010 when I recorded music for a CD but never was able to actually produce a CD for you all? Well, I finally have done it. I recorded twelve of my songs (both ones I have written and Classical pieces I have studied at college), and I have made a CD out of them!

My CD is called A Spark of Inspiration, and I am so excited to share it with you all! I was able to record it on the 9-ft Steinway piano in the recital hall at Cedarville, and the sound is very rich and full. Check out the link to download it on CDbaby. Pretty soon it will be up on Itunes and Amazon also!

  So friends, come and check out these new things! And I will see you over at becoming.


 

This is my heart

I haven't felt this alive in a long time.

I just painted a representative of what my heart looks like.

It was amazing. I can't even begin to describe how fulfilling and deeply worshipful it felt to do that.

I wouldn't really consider myself an artist, but I love to paint. And sometimes, I think God is the one painting through me.

This was one of those times. As I painted, I began to see unfolding before my eyes exactly what God wanted me to see.

This is my heart, one side oozing and dripping with the black sludge of sin, and the other side exploding with the effortless radiance of God's glory and love. The black side is shrunk and eaten away, weighted down by its own inadequacy to do anything good. The light side is swollen and radiant, bursting open in a spontaneous overflow of light. And in the center of my heart is the pure white of Christ, shining over my whole heart, overthrowing the darkness and being the source for the light. My heart is now tethered to a cord of light and life, filled with Jesus' blood that washes whiter than snow. He is eliminating my darkness, and enabling me to effortlessly shine His love instead of drip darkness into others' lives.

Whatever we let overtake our hearts will be what comes out. We all have holes in our hearts - does your heart ooze with the sinful nature of your selfish desires, or does it shine with the radiant nature of your Savior?

 

Growing in the daily grind

The daily grind is the hardest.

I'm back at school, and thus you haven't heard from me in two months. I have actually been doing quite a bit of writing, thanks to my Creative Writing Nonfiction class (which I'm loving). But I have struggled majorly with letting those fears and lies that I listened to before speak to me again.

It's so easy to forget the truth that we have been taught, isn't it? For me at school, my mind has to constantly keep a running tally of places I must be, practice I must do, homework I must complete before a certain time, appointments I must keep, people I must talk to. I hardly have time to think, much less quiet my thoughts and let God speak to me. And when I let that time with God slide, so much else in my life goes downhill with it.

So I'm stopping for a second and reminding myself of the truth.

This is the truth God has pressed upon my heart to combat and overcome the lies and fears:

God's Grace providing and carrying me along is the truth that sets me free from controlling my life and obsessing over what others think of me.

God's Love that has given me a new identity in Him is the truth that sets me free from my fears and the lies I tell myself that I am a burden and unwanted.

So what must I do with these truths God has given me? Every day I must receive them into myself again, preaching God's grace and love to my soul in my current situation. This is the beauty of truth - it always holds firm, even as it applies differently to various life situations.

Whenever I am tempted to speak lies to myself and believe them, I must consciously cling to the truth instead. Constantly bring it back to the forefront of my mind. Let the truth influence everything about me - my inward life (thoughts, emotions, decisions, reactions) as well as outward (speech, interactions, actions, boldness). Resist the temptation to take control, and instead let God take over my life. In every situation, respond to His leading in faith and trust.

What are the truths that God has shown you? How will you continue to listen to them and grow in them?

Glimpses of Grace

Well, I'm still on this journey. Still somewhere on the mountain, with mists of uncertainty and fear swirling around me.

And yet. God is so good to me. I don't even know what to do or how to respond to Him in order to continue this journey - but somehow He keeps moving me forward!

I know I haven't arrived, obviously... the mountain still looms without end. But, He is giving me glimpses of His grace in my life, and each one bowls me over. How could I have missed this for so long?

I am so incredibly thankful that God refused to let me live in comfortable fear and self-sufficiency. He pulled the carpet out from under my proud self so He could make me stand on His Rock. He gently pried off the layers of lies I had coated myself with, and revealed to me the truth: that I am desperately wicked. Even my desires to do good were motivated not by love, but by fear and a craving for approval.

But thankfully, He did not leave me there. He then clothed me in Jesus' righteousness, and covered me in grace, which is the sole provider of every need. He is showing me daily who the "New Rachel" is and what role grace has in her life.

And in fact, I think this process will have to be repeated many times. There are many lies I believe, fears that control me, masks I wear. This is only one of them: the mask of self-sufficiency.

I'm so thankful that God works in me gently, lovingly, not pushing me around or pulling too much off of me at once. Instead, He gently pries loose one mask at a time, filling the space where the mask had been with a rush of love and grace. He deals so tenderly with me! He doesn't let any of my mess push Him away - I can rest in the unshakable promise of His continual presence with me.

And I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to bring it to completion. All I must do is trust.